95+ Funny Sailor Jokes

Here are some funny sailor jokes and the best sailor puns to crack you up. These jokes about sailors are great for kids and adults.

Are you ready for some side-splitting, rib-tickling sailor jokes? Whether you’re a seasoned sailor or a landlubber, these jokes are sure to make you laugh. So, hoist the anchor and set sail for some laughter with these funny sailor jokes.

Best Sailor Jokes

1.   How do sailors party?

They throw anchor!

2.    Why did the sailor join the golf club?

 He wanted to improve his swing!

3.    How does a sailor like his coffee?

Seamen!

4.   Why did the sailor get a tattoo of a wheel on his belly button?

So he could steer himself in the right direction!

5.   Why do sailors always carry a bar of soap with them?

So they can wash up on shore!

6.   How does a sailor ask for a second cup of coffee?

“Aye aye, captain!”

7.   Why did the sailor refuse to play cards with the deckhands?

He heard they were all a bunch of cheaters!

 8.   What do you call a sailor who’s always on time?

 A punctual pirate!

9.    What did the sailor say when he saw a ghost ship?

 “Avast, ye scallywags! I’m not afraid of nothin’!”

10.    How do you make a sailor angry?

Take away his anchor!

11.   What do you call a lazy sailor?

Anchored to the sofa!

12.   Why did the sailor join the gym?

To get some sea legs!

13.   Why don’t sailors ever play cards in the jungle?

 Too many cheetahs!

14.   What did the sailor say when he saw a pod of whales?

 “There she blows!”

15.   Why don’t sailors ever get lost?

 They always know which way is port!

16.   Why did the sailor get a tattoo of a ship on his chest?

Because he wanted to be captain of his own vessel!

17.    How do you make a sailor laugh?

 Just tell him a joke that’s anchored in humor!

18.   What do you call a sailor who’s been marooned on a deserted island for 10 years?

 Experienced!

19.   Why did the sailor go to the doctor?

Because he was feeling a little ship sick!

20.   What do you call a sailor who’s always cold?

A little nautical shiver me timbers!

21.   Why did the sailor cross the ocean?

 To get to the other tide!

22.   How does a sailor like his coffee?

Strong and sea-worthy!

23.   What do you call a sailor who’s always in trouble?

 A buoyant delinquent!

Best Sailor Jokes

Clean Sailor Jokes

Are you ready to set sail on a voyage of laughter and giggles? Then hoist the anchor and get ready for some seriously funny sailor jokes!

From the high seas to the open ocean, these jokes are sure to get your shipmates laughing.

24.   Why did the sailor refuse to get a tattoo?

 Because he didn’t want to be marked for life!

25.   Why did the sailor always carry a bar of soap?

 Because he liked to wash up on shore!

26.   What did the sailor say when his ship ran aground?

“I guess we’re all washed up!”

27.    Why did the sailor bring a ladder to the boat?

 To climb aboard!

28.   Why did the sailor cross the ocean?

To get to the other tide!

29.    Why did the sailor refuse to play cards?

 He was afraid of the deck.

30.    What do you call a sailor who’s always lost at sea?

A miss-ship.

31.   Why do sailors make great singers?

They’re always hitting the high Cs.

32.   How do sailors stay in shape?

They do a lot of dock-ercise.

33.   Did you hear about the sailor who got caught in a storm?

 He was all at sea!

34.    Why was the sailor always unhappy?

 He constantly had a stern look on his face!

35.   Why did the sailor bring a ladder onto the boat?

Because he wanted to climb aboard!

36.  Why did the sailor wear two jackets?

Because he wanted to be a double-breasted sailor!

37.   Why did the sailor get seasick on his own boat?

 He wasn’t used to the motion in his own ocean!

Drunken Sailor Jokes

If you’re looking for a good laugh, then look no further than these funny sailor jokes. Whether you’re a seasoned sailor or just enjoy a good sea-faring pun, these jokes are sure to brighten up your day and make you chuckle like a drunken sailor.

So grab your life jacket, hoist the mainsail, and get ready to set sail on a sea of laughter with these hilarious sailor jokes.

38.    What’s a sailor’s favorite kind of music?

 Sea shanties, of course!

39.   What do sailors like to do on their days off?

Go to the dock and watch the ships come in.

40.   Why did the sailor go to the doctor?

He was feeling a little anchor-ious.

41.   What do you call a group of drunken sailors?

 A three-sheets-to-the-wind jam session!

42.    What do you call a sailor who’s always telling tall tales?

 A mariner-der.

43.    Why did the sailor buy a new boat?

 Because his old one kept making him seasick.

44.   What do you call a pirate who’s had too much to drink?

Captain Blackout!

45.    Why did the sailor take up painting?

 He wanted to master the art of sea-scape.

46.   Why did the drunken sailor throw a stick of butter out the window?

He wanted to see a butterfly!

47.   How do you know a sailor is drunk?

He starts using port and starboard as directions on land.

48.   Why did the drunk sailor take a shower

He wanted to wash ashore.

49.   Why did the drunken sailor go to the dentist?

 He had a case of sea grit!

50.   How do you make a drunken sailor walk the plank?

 Just tell him it’s the gangway to his cabin.

51.   Why did the drunk sailor wear two eyepatches?

He couldn’t decide which eye to keep open!

52.   How do you know a drunk sailor is a master of navigation?

 He can navigate his way from the bar to his ship with his eyes closed.

53.   What’s the difference between a drunk sailor and a sober one?

 A sober sailor has a hard time finding the shore, while a drunk sailor has a hard time staying off it!

54.   Why did the drunken sailor go to the movie theater?

 He heard they were showing “The Titanic”.

55.   How do you know a sailor is drunk at the helm?

 The sails are set in the shape of a question mark.

56.   Why did the drunk sailor go to the amusement park?

 He wanted to ride the seafarer coaster.

57.   What do you call a group of drunk sailors singing sea shanties?

A rum-choir.

58.   Why did the drunk sailor try to walk on water?

He thought he saw a bar floating in the distance.

59.   How do you know a drunk sailor is the captain of the ship?

 He keeps telling everyone “I’m in charge of this vessel!” while falling overboard.

Funny Sailor Jokes

Are you in need of a good laugh? Look no further than these hilarious sailor jokes.

Whether you’re a seasoned seafarer or a landlubber, these jokes are sure to tickle your funny bone and get you chuckling like a jolly sailor.

60.   What do you call a sailor who loves math?

 A naval-gator!

61.   Why do sailors take a long time to learn the alphabet?

 Because they spend years at sea (C)!

62.   How do sailors like their coffee?

Seaman strong!

63.   What do sailors use to get a good night’s sleep?

 A hammock and a lot of motion in the ocean!

64.   How do sailors communicate with each other?

They use Morse guffaw!

65.   Why don’t sailors like to eat on land?

They prefer the sea-food!

66.   How do you know if a sailor is happy?

They have a buoyant personality!

67.   What did the sailor say when he saw his shipmate?

 Long time, no sea!

68.   Why did the sailor take a ladder to the beach?

 He wanted to climb aboard the waves!

69.   How does a sailor cook his steak?

 On the deck!

70.   What do you call a sailor who has a lot of friends?

 A popular buoy!

71.   Why did the sailor buy a new boat?

 Because his old one was all washed up!

72.   How do sailors know where they’re going?

They use the navy-gation system!

Funny Sailor Jokes

73.   What do sailors use to keep their pants up?

 An anchor-chief!

74.   Why did the sailor wear a red shirt on his date?

He wanted to be the lobster of her eye!

75.   How do sailors stay in shape?

They do a lot of deck-sercise!

76.   What do you call a sailor who is always complaining?

A crabby captain!

77.   Why did the sailor go to the doctor?

 He had a case of seasickness!

Sailor Jokes One Liner

78.   Why did the sailor become a musician?

Because he wanted to get into treble.

79.   Why did the sailor wear a red shirt

 In case he was shot, the blood wouldn’t show.

80.    What do you call a mermaid on wheels?

 A sea-quel.

81.   Why did the sailor get a tattoo of a ship on his chest?

So he could always have a vessel in his heart!

82.   How do you know if a sailor is lying?

His lips are moving!

83.   How did the sailor earn his captain’s license?

He took the helm and sailed through it!

84.    Why don’t sailors ever get lost at sea?

Because they always know which way the wind is blowing!

85.    How do sailors stay in shape?

They do a lot of deck-ercise!

86.    Why did the sailor bring a ladder onto the boat?

 He wanted to reach the high Cs!

87.   Why don’t sailors shower before they go out to sea?

 Because they know they’ll just get salty again.

88.   How do sailors communicate when they’re far apart?

 They use a semaphore, of course!

89.   Why do sailors love to play cards?

Because they love to be dealt with.

90.   What did the sailor say to the iceberg?

 “What’s up, berg?”

91.   Why was the sailor always happy?

Because he was always at the helm of his happiness.

92.   What did the sailor say when he found out he was going to be a dad?

 “I’m going to be a buoy!”

93.   What do you get when you cross a sailor and a cow?

 A milk cruiser!

94.   Why did the sailor buy a Dalmatian?

 Because he wanted a dog that would be good at spotting buoys.

95.   What did the sailor say to the seagull?

 “Hey, you’re on my watch!”

96.   Why did the sailor take a ladder to sea?

 Because he wanted to reach new heights!

97.   What did the sailor say to his first mate?

 “Looks like we’re in the same boat!”

Short Funny Sailor Jokes

98.”Why do sailors make terrible poker players? Because they’re always waving their hands!”

99.”How do sailors party? They ‘sea’lebrate with a ‘shipload’ of fun!”

100.”Why don’t sailors ever get lost at sea? Because they always ‘navigate’ to the nearest bar!”

101.”What’s a sailor’s favorite dance? The ‘anchors away’ shuffle!”

Short Funny Sailor Jokes

102.”Why did the sailor bring a ladder to the beach? Because he wanted to go to the ‘next level’ of tanning!”

103.”What’s a sailor’s favorite type of music? Anything with ‘sea’ shanties!”

104.”Sailors are like cats. They both love the ocean, and they’re both known for their ‘nautical’ curiosity!”

Some Final Talk

We hope these jokes have brightened up your day and given you some new material to share with your fellow seafarers. Remember, laughter is the best medicine, especially when you’re out at sea. So keep these jokes in your back pocket and let the good times roll. Fair winds and following seas, mateys!

You may also like: