105+ Best Jokes About Bidding

Get ready to laugh your way to the winning bid! Explore a collection of uproarious jokes about bidding and discover the crème de la crème of bidding puns that will have you in stitches. These witty quips centered around the world of bidding are sure to tickle your funny bone.

As any freelancer or business owner knows, bidding on projects is a necessary part of the job. However, the process can often feel grueling, time-consuming, and downright frustrating.

That’s why it’s important to take a step back and inject a little bit of humor into the situation. Here are some jokes about bidding that will hopefully make the process a little less painful:

Funny Jokes About Bidding

1. Why did the auctioneer start telling jokes during the bidding?  Because he wanted to raise some laughs!

2.  What do you call a bidding war between two elephants?  A trunk-to-trunk combat!

3.  Why did the man bring a ladder to the auction?  Because he wanted to bid high and climb to success!

4.  What did the auctioneer say to the bidder who kept falling asleep during the bidding?  “Wake up and smell the bids!”

5.  Why did the bidding at the art auction get so intense?  Because everyone wanted to brush up on their collection!

6.  What do you call a bidding contest between two mountain climbers?  A peak auction!

7.  How do bidders stay cool during an auction?  They bid in the shade!

8.  What did the bidder say when he won the auction for the broken clock? “It’s about time I got a deal!”

9.  Why did the vegetable bid the highest at the auction?  Because it had a lot of stock options!

10.  How do bidders stay fit during an auction?  They exercise their bidding arms!

11.  Why did the auctioneer put a question mark after his final bids?

He wanted to make sure no one else had any last-minute offers!”

12.  “Why did the auctioneer go so fast?  He wanted to get to the real bidding faster!”

13.  Why did the auctioneer start a stand-up comedy routine?  Because he wanted to make a lot of bids laugh!

14.  What do you call a bidding war between two birds?  A pecking order auction!

15.  Why did the auction house hire a comedian as their auctioneer?

Because he always knew how to bring the bids down… with laughter!

16.  What did the auctioneer say to the bidder who couldn’t stop laughing?  “Sir, please control your laughter!”

17.  Why did the chicken attend the auction?  I heard there was a great deal on “free range” bids!

18.  Why did the vegetable stand hold a bidding competition?  They wanted to see who could produce the best “lettuce bid”!

19.  Why did the auctioneer bring a parachute to the bidding event?  In case the bids went sky-high!

20.  What did the auctioneer say when the bids were getting too low?  “Let’s raise the stakes and make it a bidding potluck!”

21.  How do you say goodbye to a reptile with Islamophobic views? Farewell, anti-Alligator!

22.  What’s the Middle Eastern way of bidding farewell?  They Riyadh

23.  What happens when you place bids on crow eggs on an online marketplace?  It’s an egg-citing auction!

24.  How do you bid adieu to your beloved pet rock?  You rock and roll out of here.

25.  Where can you participate in an online auction for companionship? eHarmony

Funny Jokes About Bidding

Hilarious Bidding puns

26.  I recently made an offer for a vintage rifle used by a French officer during the war.

27.  Its history spoke volumes, having only kissed the ground twice in moments of surrender.

28.  A new chapter unfurled within the tapestry of my story.

29.  They say fate selects the worthy, and I was bestowed with its favor.

30.  Life, like an intrepid explorer, leads us to uncharted realms, while love, a compass, guides us home.

31.  Perhaps I’ll embark on the Delta route, embracing the unknown.

32.  The magnetism of my aura effortlessly drew my kindred spirits, and my heart cherishes them dearly.

33.  The fleeting days of this week may have hurried past, yet the eternal bond of our sisterhood remains steadfast.

34.  Gratitude fills me as I revel in the embrace of this extraordinary sisterhood, forever bound by the bidday.

35.  I found myself ensnared in a captivating duel of bids for a house, all because my wife fell in love with the grandeur of its sprawling corridor.

36.  Engulfed in a fierce battle for a home with an endless hallway, I find myself trapped in an auction’s grip.

37.  In the midst of a bidding frenzy, a peculiar parrot caught my attention and sparked my desire.

38.  Jack, a prominent nonbeliever, breathes his last breath only to find himself in the depths of hell, welcomed by none other than Satan himself.

39.  The recent declaration of bankruptcy by Italy’s national airline, Alitalia, has set the stage for speculation.

40.  Whispers suggest that General Electric’s aircraft division might be eyeing the opportunity for an acquisition.

41.  Rumor has it that the resulting entity would bear the name Gen-Italia, fusing the powerhouses into one.

42.  Using my mind control prowess, I commanded an individual to procure an item for me during the auction’s proceedings.

43.  At that moment, the bartender dramatically draws back the curtains, unveiling the grand spectacle that awaited.

44.  In agony, he lies at the hill’s bottom, a symphony of grunts catching his attention.

45.  He gazes upward, only to witness a colossal Grizzly bear descending upon him with deliberate steps.

46.  If returned, a generous reward of two thousand dollars awaits the Good Samaritan who comes to his aid!

47.  Three contractors now engage in fierce competition, vying for the opportunity to mend a broken fence at the illustrious White House.

48.  Amidst the chaos, I find myself entangled in an auction, locked in a relentless battle for a house boasting an extensive corridor.

Bidding Jokes One Liner

Bidding is a serious matter in the world of business. It can make or break a company’s success. But sometimes, it’s good to take a step back and laugh at the absurdity of it all.

That’s why we’ve compiled a list of jokes about bidding that will make you chuckle, and maybe even lighten the mood during your next negotiation.

49.  Who obeys your commands besides opening locked doors?  A loyal servant.

50.  How will the American people bid farewell to Trump post-election? Adieu, farewell.

51.  How do you say goodbye to someone who identifies as bisexual?

Farewell, dear bi.

52.  Why did the frog choose to take the bus to work today?  His car was towed away.

53.  What is the most dreadful sensation one can experience?

Sipping bitter despair before the break of dawn.

54.  What’s eerie about a yard sale?  They offer you more than you bid.

55.  How does the LGBTQ+ community bid their farewells?  With a resounding “Bi!”

56.  What do you say to your gym partner when they lose an auction for a mattress?  Unlucky bid, my friend.

57.  How can you recognize the signs of aging?  When you attend an antique auction and people bid on you.

58.  What do you call a plump Irish creature hooked on eBay?  A voracious bidding O’beast.

59.  Why did the spoiled auctioneer refuse to assist anyone with their bids?  Because he scorned doing anyone’s bidding!

60.  Did you know Daft Punk is collaborating with NASA to seek proposals from contractors?  They’re on a mission to get space-funky.

61.  Who will Donald Trump point fingers at if he loses the race for president?  He’ll blame everyone under the sun!

62.  Why do auctioneers announce “Going once… Going twice…”?  To keep the bidding excitement high.

63.  What did the auctioneer say when no one bid on the item?  It’s going, going… gone!

64.  Why didn’t the auctioneer accept the highest bidder’s offer?  He said he would never work with an underbidder.

65.  What did the winning bidder say when he won the auction?  I just bid it better!

66.  What do you call someone who always wins the bidding?  A master bidder.

67.  Why did the bidder drop out?

He didn’t want to pay the price.

68.  What did the auctioneer say when the bidding was going too slow?  Come on, get a bid in!

69.  How did the auctioneer win the bidding war?  He outbid everyone else.”

70.  What bid did the auctioneer make last in the bidding war?  He bided his time.”

Bidding Jokes One Liner

Clever Jokes About Bidding

Bidding can be a serious business, but that doesn’t mean we can’t find humor in it. In fact, the world of bidding is ripe for jokes and puns. Here are some of the best jokes about bidding to tickle your funny bone.

71.  Engaged in fierce competition for a house with an extensive passageway.

72.  One fateful day, a gentleman attended an auction.

73.  At that very moment, he placed a bid on an extraordinary parrot.

74.  Unfortunately, my father’s acquaintance passed away in a tragic car accident.

75.  I found myself caught in a fierce bidding war for a house because my spouse adored the elongated hallway.

76.  Recently, I placed a bid on a rifle once wielded by a French officer during the war.

77.  As a profession, I craft Christmas wreaths. Therefore, I decided to fashion one using one hundred dollar bills the other day.

78.  My spouse’s infatuation with the elongated corridor led us to make an offer on a house.

79.  I acquainted myself with a Canadian plumber who contemplated purchasing a toilet at an auction.

80.  I used mind control to persuade someone to bid for me at an auction, and now they’re under my command.

81.  Jack, a renowned nonbeliever, departs from this world and finds himself bewilderingly in the depths of hell, where Satan himself warmly welcomes him.

82.  Alitalia, Italy’s national airline, declared bankruptcy just a week ago.

83.  Whispers abound about General Electric’s aircraft division vying to acquire it, creating a potential entity known as Gen-Italia.

84.  I skillfully influenced an individual’s mind to assist me in securing an item at an auction.

85.  Perched in his hunting post for hours on end, he witnesses no signs of life.

86.  Upon descending from his deer stand, a misstep causes him to tumble down a steep incline, resulting in fractured legs and the unfortunate loss of his rifle.

87.  Writhing in agony at the hill’s base, he hears ominous grunts.

88.  Looking up, he beholds an immense Grizzly bear descending towards him.

Jokes About Birds

89.  When is the ideal time to purchase a bird?  When it’s chirping with a bargain!

90.  Have you heard the tale of the crow and the telephone pole?  It yearned for long-distance “caws.”

91.  How does a bird with a fractured wing accomplish a safe landing? By utilizing its sparrow chute gracefully.

92.  Why did the little bird face trouble at school?  Because it was caught tweeting during a test.

93.  How do crows maintain their unity within a flock?  They rely on the power of velcro.

94.  What’s the term for a parrot that has flown away?  A vanished polygon.

95.  What do you call a melancholic bird?  A bluebird, carrying a heavy heart.

96.  What type of mathematics do Snowy Owls appreciate?  The enchanting world of owlgebra.

97.  What do you label an extremely impolite bird?  A mockingbird, spreading rudeness.

98.  Why was the bird imperceptible to everyone’s eyes?  For it soared in the realm of the skies, unseen.

99.  What category of birds is typically confined behind bars?  Jail-birds, locked away from the world.

100.  How did the bird gain unauthorized entry into the house?  By skillfully wielding a crow bar.

101.  In which language do geese communicate?

Portuguese, their own unique dialect.

102.  Which avian species oversees the church?  A cardinal, guiding the flock faithfully.

103.  Why was the pelican expelled from the restaurant?  Due to its substantial bill, it is unfit for dining.

104.  What do you contract when you kiss an ailing bird?  Cherpies, a combination of chirping and herpes.

105.  What does a bird savor in its soup?  Crowtons, adding flavor to their feathery cuisine.

106.  Which bird-centric film claimed an Oscar?  Lord of the Wings, a triumph in avian cinema.

107.  What results from crossing a duck with a firework?  A magnificent firecracker, illuminating the sky.

108.  What game brings joy to a parrot?  Hide and Speak, their favored pastime.

Also, check-out: Funny Walkie Talkie Jokes

Some Final Talk

While bidding on projects may never be a completely stress-free experience, it’s important to remember to laugh at ourselves and the situation from time to time. These jokes about bidding are a reminder that we’re all in this together and that a little bit of humor can go a long way in making the process more bearable.

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