90+ Funny Civil War Puns

Step back in time and explore the witty side of history with these Civil War Puns. Our collection brings a humorous twist to this significant era, adding laughter to the battlefield.

The Civil War was a dark period in American history that saw brother fight against brother and divided the nation. Despite the serious nature of the conflict, people found ways to use humor to alleviate the tension and stress.

Civil War puns and jokes were a common way for people to lighten the mood and poke fun at the absurdity of war. Here are some of the best Civil War puns that have stood the test of time.

American Civil War Puns

1.   What did the North say when they won the Battle of Gettysburg? “We sure pulled off a great victory!”

2.   Why don’t most people like talking about the American Civil War? Because it’s always a Gettysburg address!

3.   Why did the Confederate soldiers hate to drink? Because it made them wallow in defeat.

4.   What did the North call their war tactics? They called them Union Strategies!

5.   Why did the Confederate soldier break up with his girlfriend? Because she was a “Yank”-ee.

6.   Why did the Union soldier refuse to share his rations with the Confederate soldier? Because he was “rebel”-lious.

7.   Why did the Confederate soldier refuse to use a bayonet? Because he thought it was “point”-less.

8.   Why did the Union soldier refuse to share his tent with the Confederate soldier? Because he didn’t want to be “tent”-ed to the enemy.

9.   Why did the Confederate soldier refuse to surrender? Because he was “General”-ly opposed to the idea.

10.   Why did the Union soldier refuse to play cards with the Confederate soldier? Because he didn’t want to be “deck”-imated.

11.   Why did the Confederate soldier refuse to eat the Union soldier’s rations? Because he thought they were “federally” mandated.

13.   Why did the Union soldier refuse to wear a hat in battle? Because he didn’t want to be “cap”-tured.

13.   Why did the Confederate soldier refuse to use a musket? Because he thought it was “rifled” with problems.

14.   Why did the Union soldier refuse to share his blanket with the Confederate soldier? Because he didn’t want to be “wrapped” up in the enemy.

15.    What did one Confederate soldier say to the other? “I’m sorry, let’s muzzle this argument!”

16.   Why did the Confederate soldier surrender? He wanted to avoid a civil war.

17.   Why were the north and south so bitter? They had a civil war of words!

18.   What did the South call the Northern blockade of their ports? A portly embargo.

19.   What did Confederate soldiers call popcorn? Rebel-y Corn!

20.    What did Abraham Lincoln say when he lost a battle? He was defeated but not dis-Unionized!

21.   What did the Civil War General say when he found out his team lost? “We’ve been defeated, let’s retreat!”

American Civil War Puns

Short Civil War Puns

22.    Civil wrongs won’t make right!

23.    If you want peace, prepare for war triangles.

24.   Taking your battle elsewhere? You better be prepared to travel in circles!

25.    How did the South win this war? It took some Confederate thinking!

 26.   Why was General Lee so successful in battle? He had a way with tactical maneuvering.

27.   The Battle of Gettysburg proved to be a real ‘capture’ for the Union!

28.    She tried to defect from the South, but saying “yee-haw cross this Mason—Dixon line”!

29.    I’m sure you’ve heard of Ulysses Grant’s famous presidency? Well he was an incredible general in the Union Army!

30.    The Confederacy embraced states’ rights- it’s their only way they could stay united and fight!

31.   After Appomattox Courthouse, Lincoln said: “It’s been a long time comin’, we have faced some tough rebelling.”

32.   War isn’t a laughing matter, but these puns might just make you chuckle!

33.   Theater was so intense during the Civil War, it was a do or diehard situation.

34.   Winchester got uneasy when the cannons came out for battle – He exclaimed “There’s no getting around this!”

35.    Fighting at Bull Run? It’s no sweat—it was only something of minor importance!

36.   the Potomac, he earned points from Picketts!

37.    Sherman had a Marched Madness every time he touched Georgia soil!

38.    Grant also stopped to take Ulysses of some titanic battles along his march southward!

39.   This civil war sure was a duel-punctuation!

40.   It’s hard to keep track of who won, it just kept turning over so many new leaves!

41.   The casualties were immense during this conflict – not one person could be left unscarred!

42.   ‘Tis the season for cannonballs and carnage!

43.   All pride aside in this battle, victory had no room for partiality!

44.   Before the Battle of Gettysburg, it was just war and strife-oke.

45.   Grant and Lee had a great rapport… that is until they went their separate ways.

46.    The Civil War wasn’t all bad – at least some folks were able to take advantage of low mortgage rates!

47.    After winning the battle of Fort Sumter, Beauregard leveled up his nickname to ‘General Dubs’

Captain America Civil War Puns

48.    Winter Soldier Out: When the snow melts and everyone stops watching.

49.   Breaking Pointe: A reference to Ballet dancing when two sides can’t seem to agree on something.

50.   Full Monty Fuego: An homage to Tony Stark’s famous phrase “I am Iron Man!”.

51.   Tony Stark’s Iron Do: “Time to rust-le some feathers!”

52.    Cap America’s Shield Slogan: “Shields up, puns down!”

53.   Hawkeye Tagline: “Unbeatable aim and pun game!”

54.    America: Civil War that will have you in stiches!

55.    “Things got really tensile during Civil War!”

56.   The two sides of the war were “Cap”in with it and Stark Madness.

57.   Tony Stark said he got a “charge” out of this civil war.

58.   It was the ‘Civil’est War around!

Captain America Civil War Puns

59.   . This was one fight between superhero friends from which there could be no Shielding.

60.    It wasn’t called an Iron Man-tle for nothing– Tony Stark took charge of this Civil War direction!

61.   Thor might be the God of Thunder but he found that wielding Mjolnir couldn’t stop Cap from going his own way without blunder!

62.    Poor Hawkeye must have felt like no one remembered him when it came down to picking teams all capricious and grim!

63.   “Crossbones, this is a no-brainer.”

64.   “The best part about conflict: A win-win Situation!”

Civil War Puns One Liners

65.  Two sides of the same coin That’s what you get with a civil war!

66.   Doing battle has never been so punny The Civil War was one for the history books!

67.   General Lee was so easy to beat he had no battle strategy!

68.   The generals were at war over how best to fight it was a clash of the titans!

69.   Trying to win the Civil War was a real uphill battle!

70.   It seemed like every side of this conflict wanted their own victory – talk about divided loyalties!

71.   There may have been bloodshed, but there sure wasn’t any shortage of puns in the Civil War !

72.    That civil war was so cold, even the Confederacy had to bundle up.

Civil War Best Puns

73.   When the Civil War started it really split people – completely down the middle!

74.    During the American Civil War, both sides endured “cannon fodder”.

75.  Don’t worry, no union will be severed during this conflict it’ll just involve some serious connections.

76.  It all started when Abe Lincoln said “Let us cross over to the other side of the Mason-Dixon line!”

77.  Get your thinking caps ready, it will take two to tango North and South when in comes to this Civil War logo!

78.   Fight like cats and dogs? More like bears and owls – They just couldn’t agree on anything during the Civil War scowls!

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Final Thoughts

These puns may be silly, but they remind us that despite the gravity of the Civil War, there were still moments of humanity and humor. Soldiers on both sides found ways to connect with each other, whether it was through shared experiences or shared laughter.

These above given puns about civil wars may seem silly and trivial, but it’s important to remember that during times of war and conflict, people need to find ways to cope and deal with the stress and trauma. So the next time you hear a Civil War pun, take a moment to appreciate the levity and humor that can arise from even the darkest of situations.

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