100+ Funny Being On Time Jokes

Tired of the same old lectures about punctuality? Shake things up with these jokes about being on time. From military quips to work excuses, get ready to giggle.

We all know the challenges of keeping appointments and meeting deadlines, and these jokes add a playful twist to the concept of timeliness. From witty one-liners to comical scenarios, Being On Time Jokes bring a smile to those who appreciate the importance of punctuality and find humor in the moments when it eludes us. 

Dad Jokes Being On Time

Stop beating yourself up for running behind and start laughing with these jokes about being on time. From doctor’s orders to divine intervention, we’ve got you covered.

1.What do you call a clock with a sense of humor?  A “tickler.”

2.  When do philosophers prefer to discuss time?  During “hour-long” debates.

3.  What’s a time-traveler’s favorite type of music?  “Rock and roll,” because it spans different eras.

4.  Why did the computer go back in time?  To meet its “motherboard.”

5.  How do you make time stand still?  Take a photo!

6.  What’s a vampire’s least favorite time of day?  “Sun-set.”

7.  When does a skeleton have the most time on its hands?  During “Day of the Dead.”

8.  How did the calendar propose to the clock?  It said, “We’re the perfect date!”

9.  What’s a procrastinator’s favorite time to start a project? “Someday.”

10.  What did the watch say to the wrist?  “I’ve got you covered.”

11.  What’s a time traveler’s favorite snack?  “Chrono-crisps.”

12.  Why did the stopwatch go to therapy?  It had issues with “second-guessing.”

13.  How does a time-traveling scientist stay organized?  With a “past-tense” calendar.

14.  Why did the alarm clock win the race?  Because it had a “second” wind.

15.  What’s the favorite time of year for time enthusiasts? Daylight Savings Time.”

16.  How do you fix a broken clock?  You “tick” it to the repair shop.

17.  What’s a clock’s favorite dance?  “The Tick-Tock Tango.”

18.  How does a clock show love?  By giving you its “seconds.”

19.  Why did the calendar break up with the clock?  Because the clock kept “watching” other dates.

20.  How do you teach a clock to be punctual?  You give it a “second” chance.

21.  Why don’t clocks ever get into arguments?  They always “watch” their words.

22.  How do you make a clock laugh?  You “wind” up its sense of humor.

23.  What’s a clock’s favorite movie?  “Clockwork Orange.”

Dad Jokes Being On Time

Funny Jokes About Being On Late

24.  When do astronauts eat? Launch time.

25.  What farm animal tells the time?  A watchdog.

26.  What would a clock look like with no numbers?  Timeless.

27.  Why do rich people buy a lot of clocks?  Because time is money.

28.  How does a yeti tell the time?  With a sasq-watch.

29.  Why is Frosty never late?  Time waits for the snowman.

30.  What’s the best time to go to the bathroom?  Poo-thirty.

31.  Lost my Rolex during a roller coaster ride.  Time flies when you’re having fun.

32.  What’s a clock’s favorite game?  Tic-tac-toe.

33.  Why did the math book look sad?  Because it had too many problems.

34.  What’s a vampire’s favorite fruit?  A blood orange.

35.  What’s a clock’s favorite spice?  Tikka time.

36.  What’s a clock’s favorite movie?  High Noon.

37.  What did the alarm clock say when it finally had some time off?  “I’m just tickled to bits!”

38.  What do you call a clock that likes to gamble?  A “second” hand dealer.

39.  How does a computer get drunk?  It takes too many screenshots.

40.  Why don’t scientists trust atoms?  Because they make up everything.

41.  How do you organize a space party?  You “planet.”

Dirty Being On Time Jokes

Laugh at your tardiness with these hilarious jokes about being late. From excuses to hacks, get ready to chuckle and forgive yourself for running behind schedule.

42.  Why was the clock in a hurry?  It was running out of time.

43.  What time do zombies wake up?  At Ate O’Clock.

44.  How does Elon Musk’s wife call him to dinner?  “Elon, time to eat.”

46.  How is the patient after the colonoscopy?  He’s fine now, but at the time, it rectum.

47.  Why did the man shoot the alarm clock?  Because he felt like killing time.

48.  Who always says his name 1½ times?  James Bond.

49.  Why can’t you go fishing if your watch is broken? Because you don’t have the time.

50.  How does Bigfoot always leave parties at the right time? He always knows wendigo.

51.  Did you hear about the snail who robbed a clock shop?  She took a lot of time.

52.  Why did the scarecrow always arrive early to the field? Because he wanted to be outstanding in his field.

53.  Why did the bicycle fall over?  Because it was two-tired.

54.  Why did the tomato turn red?  Because it saw the salad dressing.

55.  How do you organize a space party?  You “planet.”

Being On Time Jokes One Liners

Laugh your way through the trials and tribulations of timeliness with Being On Time Jokes, as these lighthearted quips remind us that even the most punctual among us can find humor in the everyday struggle of being on time. 

56.  What does the space needle sew?  The fabric of space-time.

57.  What do you call it when you put a clock under your desk?  Working overtime.

58.  Where do the best mathematicians live?  Times Square.

59.  What time of day is it best to have sushi?  Sun-rice.

60.  Why did the bowler have another game?  She had time to spare.

61.  When do astronauts eat? Launch time.

62.  What farm animal tells the time?  A watchdog.

63.  What would a clock look like with no numbers?  Timeless.

64.  Why do rich people buy a lot of clocks?  Because time is money.

65.  What’s a clock’s favorite spice?  Tikka time.

66.  How do you fix a broken tomato clock?  Use tomato paste.

67.  What time does a dentist’s clock show?  Tooth-hurty.

68.  Why was the math book sad?  Because it had too many problems.

69.  What do you call a clock that’s always right?  A true believer.

70.  Why did the smartphone go to therapy?  It had too many issues.

71.  What’s a vampire’s favorite fruit?  A blood orange.

72.  Why did the bicycle fall over?  Because it was two-tired.

73.  How do you organize a space party?  You “planet.”

Being On Time Jokes One Liners

Being On Time Jokes For Adults

Experience the joy of punctuality with a collection of Being On Time Jokes that playfully highlight the comedic moments and ironies that come along with the quest for perfect timeliness. 

74.  Why did the alarm clock get into a heated argument with the wall clock?  Because it accused the wall clock of stealing its minutes!

75.  What do you call a clock that’s always eager to lend a hand?  Helpful Hour.

76.  Why was the clock so bad at keeping secrets?  Because it always tells time!

77.  How did the stopwatch feel after a long race?  Exhausted!

78.  Why did the digital clock go to therapy?  Because it had too many second thoughts!

79.  What did the hourglass say to the sundial?  “You’re so old-fashioned!”

80.  Why did the wristwatch apply for a job?  It wanted to be handsomely employed!

81.  How does a clock stay cool during the summer?  It turns on its fan!

82.  Why did the clock go to school?  To improve its “second” language!

83.  What do you call a clock that’s also a musician?  A “tick-tock”ular performer!

84.  How did the clock propose to the calendar?  It asked, “Will you be my date forever?”

85.  Why did the watch break up with the calendar?  Because it couldn’t stand its days!

86.  Why did the digital clock go to therapy?  It had trouble finding its “center.”

87.  What do you call a clock that loves to party?  A “tick-tock”tail enthusiast!

88.  Why did the wall clock always win at hide and seek? Because it had a great “wall”cover!

89.  What did the clock say to the calendar during an argument?  “You’re so full of dates!”

90.  How do you comfort a broken clock?  You give it some “time” to heal!

91.  Why don’t clocks ever play hide and seek with calendars? Because calendars always have too many dates to hide!

92.  Why did the procrastinating clock never finish its homework?  It ran out of “minutes”!

93.  Why do clocks always have a second hand?  Because every second counts!

94.  What did the digital clock say when it was feeling down? “I’m just not wired right.”

95.  How did the grandfather clock become wise?  It gained knowledge over “hours” of experience!

96.  Why did the alarm clock start a band?  Because it wanted to wake up to the sound of music!

Being On Time Jokes For Adults

Being On Time Jokes For kids

97.  What do you call a story that one watch tells to another?  A chronicle of wristory!

98.  Do you know when ducks wake up?  At the quack of dawn!

99.  How do you know a clock is hungry?  It goes back four seconds for a snack!

100.  How do clocks greet each other?  They say, “What are you doing today?”

101.  Do you know why pendulums stop moving?  They swing by for a break!

102.  What did the tick ask the clock?  “Hey, what are you talking about?”

103.  Where did the clock finish her race?  Wherever she wound up.

104.  Why did the scientist put a wristwatch into the flask?  He wanted a timely solution to his research problem.

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Final Thoughts

We hope you had a good laugh, After reading through all these hilarious being on time. Do you have a funny being on time joke? Write down your own being on time puns in the comment section below!

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