Sink your teeth into these funny Halloween vampire jokes and get ready to scream with laughter. From fangsgiving to coffin drops, these jokes are a real scream of tomato!
Funny Halloween Vampire Jokes
1. Why don’t vampires use smartphones? They can’t stand the light apps.
2. What do you call a vampire that’s always in a bad mood? A grumpyre.
3. Why did the vampire read the newspaper? He heard it had great circulation.
4. How do vampires keep their breath fresh? They use Fang Paste.
5. Why do vampires love baseball? Because they get to see so many bats.
6. What’s a vampire’s favorite type of ship? A blood vessel.
7. Why don’t vampires get lonely? They’re always willing to neck with someone.
8. What do vampires take when they’re sick? Coffin medicine.
9. How does a vampire start a letter? “Tomb it may concern.”
10. Why did the vampire start writing poetry? He wanted to become a neck-romancer.
11. What do you call a vampire that can sing? An opera-ghoul.
12. How did the vampire find out he was on a diet? He saw his reflection and it was a little bat.
13. What do you call a vampire who likes martial arts? A kung-fu-npire.
14. Why did the vampire get a job at the blood bank? He always wanted to work in a fast-paced industry.
15. How do you know if a vampire is sick? He starts the coffin.
16. What’s red and goes up and down? A vampire in a blender.
17. Why don’t vampires like fast food? Because they can’t catch it.
Halloween Vampire Jokes For Adults
Looking for some biting comedy? Check out our collection of hilarious vampire jokes! From bat tubs to vein-illa ice cream, these jokes are sure to suck you in.
18. Why did the vampire go to school? To improve his bite skills!
19. Why did the vampire get a job at the blood bank? He wanted to work his way up to a Count.
20. How do vampires start their letters? “Tomb it may concern…”
21. What do you call a vampire with a sunburn? A hot-headed vampire!
22. Why do vampires avoid running? They’re afraid of turning into bat-teries!
23. How does a vampire practice good oral hygiene? By flossing their fangs!
24. What is Dracula’s favorite fruit? Neck-tarines!
25. Why did the vampire take up knitting? He wanted to make blood-scarves!
26. How can you tell if a vampire is sick? They always look a little “pale” in comparison.
27. Why are vampires no good at music? Because they have no soul!
28. How do vampires keep fit? By doing coffin exercises!
29. What do you call a clumsy vampire? A trip-or-treater!
30. How do vampire baseball games end? With lots of bats flying around!
31. Why did the vampire install solar panels on his castle? He wanted to be environmentally friendly, even if he couldn’t go outside!
32. What is a vampire’s favorite type of coffee? A tall, dark, and neck-tingling brew!
33. What did the vampire say to his dentist? “Fang you very much!”
34. Why don’t vampires use toothpaste? They prefer to brush with “bite”ing sarcasm!
35. How did the vampire count his money? With a bat-abacus!
36. What’s a vampire’s favorite type of candy? Sucker-licious treats!
Dracula Vampire Jokes
Get ready for some fang-tastic laughter with these funny vampire jokes perfect for Halloween. From blood oranges to casketball, these jokes will leave you howling at the moon.
37. Why did Dracula cross the road? To get to the other fang.
38. What do you call a vampire who’s always late? Count Chocula.
39. What’s Dracula’s favorite type of music? Fang-rock.
40. Why did Dracula go to the dentist? To get his fangs cleaned.
41. What do you call a vampire who’s always tired? Count Snooze-ula.
42. What’s Dracula’s favorite food? Blood pudding.
43. Why did Dracula get a job as a DJ? To scare the pants off people.
44. What do you call a vampire who’s always thirsty? Count Thirst-ula.
45. What’s Dracula’s favorite sport? Fang-ball.
46. Why did Dracula get a tattoo? To scare people away.
47. What do you call a vampire who’s always tired? Count Drowsy-ula.
48. Why did Dracula go to the bar? To get a boo-ze.
49. What’s Dracula’s favorite drink? Blood wine.
50. Why did Dracula go to the zoo? To see the bats.
51. What’s Dracula’s favorite animal? The bat.
52. Why did Dracula go to the park? To play bat-ball.
53. What’s Dracula’s favorite song? “Bat Out of Hell.”
54. Why did Dracula go to the movies? To see “The Lost Boys.”
55.What’s Dracula’s favorite movie? “Dracula.”
56. Why did Dracula go to the library? To check out some boo-ks.
Dirty Vampire Jokes
57. Why did the vampire go to art class? To learn how to draw blood!
58. What’s a vampire’s favorite fruit? A blood orange!
60. Why do vampires avoid the rain? They don’t want to wash their victims away!
61. What do you get when you What do vampires take when they are sick? Coffin drops!
62. Why did the vampire get a job as a night watchman? He wanted to work the graveyard shift!
63. What’s a vampire’s favorite type of ship? A blood vessel!
64. What did the vampire say to his reflection? “I vant to be alone!”
65. How does a vampire like his steak cooked? A little on the rare side!
66. Why don’t vampires play poker? Too many stakes involved!
67. Why do vampires always get invited to parties? They’re great at raising spirits!
68. What’s a vampire’s favorite dance? The Fang-dango!
69. How did the vampire fall for the prank? He got sucked into it!
70. Why did the vampire flunk his math test? He was too busy counting bats!
71. What’s a vampire’s least favorite place to visit? The garlic farm!
72. How does a vampire keep his breath fresh? By using neck-tarine mints
Halloween Vampire Jokes One Liners
73. Why did the vampire need mouthwash? He had bat breath!
74. Why did the vampire go to school? To improve his bite skills!
75. What’s a vampire’s favorite fruit? A neck-tarine!
76. Why was the vampire always in a good mood? He was always positive!
77. What did the vampire say to the teacher? See you next bite!
78. What’s a vampire’s favorite dance? The Fang-dango!
79. What do you call a vampire that can lift heavy weights? A muscle-chew-lifter!
80. Why did the vampire become an artist? He loved drawing blood!
81. What did one vampire say to the other at a party? Let’s have a bite to eat!
82. Why did the vampire become a stand-up comedian? He loved to “suck” at telling jokes!
83. How do vampires like their steak cooked? Bloody rare!
84. Why was the vampire always cleaning his coffin? He was a neat-freak!
85. What’s a vampire’s favorite type of ship? A blood vessel!
86. Why did the vampire get a dog? For a little “necking” companion!
87. What’s a vampire’s favorite game? Hide and go shriek!
88. Why did the vampire go to the art museum? To see blood-tingling art!
89. What’s a vampire’s least favorite type of music? Stake-n-roll
Final Thoughts
Do you like these funny Halloween vampire jokes? Post your funny reactions to these Twin Tower pictures in the comment section below!
If you want to hear more funny vampire jokes, then check out these other great lists of funny jokes and puns:
