You don’t have to be a sailor to appreciate these top-notch navy seaman jokes. Get ready to salute, soldier, because we’re serving up some serious humor! These lighthearted jokes playfully explore the unique challenges, camaraderie, and adventures encountered by Navy seamen. With clever wordplay and playful observations, Navy Seaman Jokes serve as a lighthearted tribute that captures the essence of Navy life.
Funny Jokes About Navy Seamen
1. I never realized so many Navy Seamen were into fishing.
2. I always hear about them catching some sea-weed.
3. I was about to share a joint with a Navy Seaman.
4. Until I asked him if he had a port pass, he immediately ran off.
5. Friend “You could go to jail for smoking weed!”
6. Navy Seaman “Jail sells weed?”
7. After smoking a joint, Navy Seamen just want to have funyuns.
8. Weed Mantras for Navy Seamen
Don’t sink and drink, puff and sail.
9. Alcohol kills, weed chills, and sails.
10. Making waves, and smoking daze.
Life is what you bake aboard a ship.
11. Sorry for my bluntness, that’s just how I roll the tide.
12. Wake Up, Bake Up, Set Sail.
13. Why drink and dive when you can smoke and ride the tide?
Weed One Liners for Navy Seamen
14. Call me Aquaman, because I’m in love with Mary Jane.
15. Life’s a beach and then you dive, so puff the sails and let’s get high!
16. Weed doesn’t make you cool, it makes you seaworthy.
17. How much weed would a sailor smoke if a sailor could smoke weed?
18. Freedom doesn’t exist if nature is illegal on the high seas.
19. Are you a drug, cause I marijuana takes you to sail with me tonight.
20. Always take your sailor’s picture STONED, so when you get pulled over, the coast guard will think you always look like that.
Clean Navy Seaman Jokes
21. God is perfect. Man is not. Man made liquor. God made pot.
22. If someone could convince Jack Sparrow to drive Captain Hook and Blackbeard off a cliff, we could kill three birds with one stoner.
23. Sailors that smoke weed are just so much more chill on the ship.
24. I’m not religious, but I worship Mary Jane on the open sea.
25. If I drank as much as I smoked weed, I’d be feeding the fishes.
26. Drop anchor, light up a joint, and let the good times roll with the tide.
27. I’d rather have a ship of potheads than rum-runners aboard.
28. I’ll huff and I’ll puff and I’ll blow these sails down with some good dank.
29. Don’t get high……Stay shipshape!
30. If he can roll, he’s a sailor worth keeping.
31. UNDER the influence, but ABOVE the waves.
32. Got busted with weed once and the captain asked me to give up my source. I said “Davy Jones’ Locker.”
33. I’m not addicted to weed, but I smoke it like I am a seasoned sailor.
34. Gas prices may be high, but I am definitely higher aboard my ship.
35. I go to a ship where the sailors are higher than their masts…
36. Sailors that smoke weed Sailors that smoke cigarettes, because they know the real high seas.
37. Say no to drugs! Then again, if you’re talking to drugs, you’re probably already on drugs aboard a ship.
38. Sometimes I smell weed and can’t tell if someone is smoking near me, or if it’s just the salty sea air.
Navy Seaman Jokes
39. What do you call a Navy seaman who’s always late? A port-ly sailor.
40. What do you call a Navy seaman who’s always getting into trouble? A swab-ber.
41. What do you call a Navy seaman who’s always getting lost? A ship-wreck.
42. What do you call a Navy seaman who’s always telling jokes? A pun-isher.
43. What do you call a Navy seaman who’s always getting into fights? A deck-hand.
44. Why did the Navy seaman get fired from the sperm bank? He kept giving away samples.
45. What do you call a Navy seaman who’s always getting into trouble with his pet dog? A sea-lab-boratory.
46. What do you call a Navy seaman who’s always late? A port-ly sailor.
47. What do you call a Navy seaman who’s always getting into trouble? A swab-ber.
48. What do you call a Navy seaman who’s always getting lost? A ship-wreck.
49. What do you call a Navy seaman who’s always telling jokes? A pun-isher.
50. Why did the Navy seaman get fired from the sperm bank? He kept giving away samples.
51. What do you call a Navy seaman who’s always late? A port-ly sailor.
52. What do you call a Navy seaman who’s always getting into trouble? A swab-ber.
53. What do you call a Navy seaman who’s always getting lost? A ship-wreck.
55. What do you call a Navy seaman who’s always getting into fights? A deck-hand.
56. What do you call a Navy seaman who’s always getting into trouble with the law? A swab-terranean.
57. What do you call a Navy seaman who’s always getting into trouble with his boss? A ship-shaper.
58. What do you call a Navy seaman who’s always getting into trouble with his wife? A boat-swain.
59. What do you call a Navy seaman who’s always getting into trouble with his kids? A sea-caulker.
Funny Navy Seaman Jokes
60. You might regret what you do, but you will regret that you don’t smoke much more on the open sea.
61. Good weed and good waves. Total relaxation aboard the ship.
62. Drugs do not ruin your career. Drug tests do. So sail wisely.
63. I stay high cause I like the view from the crow’s nest.
64. Weed doesn’t make you stupid, you were a landlubber before you smoked the weed.
65. Purple haze got me in a daze as we navigated the seven seas.
66. Sailors that look like captains, but smoke like stoners.
67. It’s not peer pressure, it’s just your turn to navigate the high seas.
68. These days I don’t know what’s higher…the tides, the waves, the sails, or me on my ship.
69. The gods gave sailors the sea, and they invented ships.
70. They gave them duty, and they invented the Navy.
71. Once I am a sailor, leaving the sea is not an option.
72. My shipmates are going to have a captain and a crew.
73. With his enlistment, he got a new uniform and a cap.
74. Today I thought I lost my sailor for a second… then I looked outside the mess hall.
75. My sea shanties bring all the sailors to the deck and they’re like “How maritime.”
76. If a wave crashes in the ocean, and nobody’s around to hear it, will a sailor surf the silence? Dear Seaman,
78. Neptune loved you before you set sail.
79. If a sailor does something, but doesn’t signal it with semaphore, did it really happen? I ain’t no landlubber, but
I can make your anchors stir.
80. Dear Seaman, no matter how salty you think you’re making it look…It’s still seawater.
Navy Seaman Jokes Reddit
81. Why did the Navy seaman refuse to share his compass with his friend? Because he was afraid he’d lose his bearings!
82. Why do Navy seamen prefer to take a dip in the ocean rather than the swimming pool? Because they prefer a salty soak over a chlorine bath!
83. How do Navy seamen ensure they never get lost at sea? By always following the ‘starboard’ course!
84. What do you call a group of Navy seamen playing a game of tug of war? A Navy knot!
85. Why did the Navy seaman feel homesick on his submarine? Because he missed his land-loving friends!
86. What do Navy seamen do when they’refeeling homesick on a long voyage ? They hit the ‘dial a friend’ button on their sextant!
87. Why did the Navy seaman join the submarine crew? Because he wanted to experience the ultimate ‘undersea adventure’!
88. How do Navy seamen relax after a long day on deck? By catching up on their ‘sea-soap operas’!
89. Why did the Navy seaman start carrying a hammock around with him? Because he heard it was the ultimate way to ‘hang’ out on a ship!
90. Why did the Navy seaman take a ladder to sea? To climb aboard his vessel, of course!
91. Why did the Navy seaman wear sunglasses on his ship? Because he didn’t want to be “decked” by the sun’s glare!
92. What’s the difference between a Navy seaman and a sailor? About three inches! (referring to the height of their respective uniforms)
93. Why did the Navy seaman quit his job at the pier? Because he couldn’t handle the “anchored” lifestyle!
94. What did the Navy seaman say to his friends after he retired? “Thanks for the memories, but I think I’ve “anchored” long enough!”
95. Why did the Navy seaman get a job at the popcorn factory? Because he wanted to be a “pop”ular guy in the Navy!
Navy Seaman Jokes One Liners
96. How do you know a navy seaman is at your front door? They knock, ring the bell, and ask for seamen.
97. Why did the navy seaman cross the road? To get to the other port.
98. What do you call a navy seaman who’s always late? A tardy sailor.
99. What do you call a navy seaman who’s always getting into trouble? A swabby.
100. What’s the difference between a navy seaman and a used tea bag? The used tea bag doesn’t float.
101. What do you call a navy seaman who’s always late? A tardy sailor.
102. What do you call a navy seaman who’s always getting into trouble? A swabby.
103. Why did the navy seaman get a tattoo of a whale on his arm? He wanted to be a little more aquatic.
104. What’s the difference between a navy seaman and a used tea bag? The used tea bag doesn’t float.
105. Why did the navy seaman get fired from the banana factory? He kept slipping on the peels.
106. What’s the difference between a navy seaman and a bucket of sea water? The bucket of sea water doesn’t whistle when it walks.
107. Why did the navy seaman get fired from the fish market? He kept taking the bait.
108. What do you call a navy seaman who’s always telling jokes? A stand-up sailor.
109. What do you call a navy seaman who’s always getting into fights? A sea-battler.
110. Why did the navy seaman cross the road? To get to the other pier.
111. Why did the navy seaman get fired from the library? He kept rearranging the Dewey Decimal System.
112. What’s the difference between a navy seaman and a trampoline? A trampoline doesn’t bounce when you drop a seaman on it.
113. Why did the navy seaman get fired from the circus? He kept throwing the anchor instead of the rings.
114. What’s the difference between a navy seaman and a bucket of water? A bucket of water doesn’t sing sea shanties.
115. What do you call a navy seaman who’s always getting into trouble? A swabby.
Navy Seaman jokes for Adults
116. What’s a Navy seaman’s favorite type of music? Sea shanties!
117. Why did the Navy seaman join a cooking class? He wanted to learn how to make a mean anchovy pizza!
118. Why did the Navy seaman always bring a pencil to the gym? In case he needed to draw a naval engagement!
119. How do Navy seamen communicate? They just wave!
120. What did one Navy seaman say to the other during a storm? “I guess we’re in deep ship now!”
121. What’s a Navy seaman’s favorite type of exercise? Squat thrusts (because they’re always scrubbing the deck)!
122. Why did the Navy seaman get a ticket at the zoo? He was caught illegally parking his submarine in the dolphin tank!
123. What do you call a Navy seaman who can play the guitar? A submariner!
124. Why did the Navy seaman always carry a compass in his pocket? In case he needed to find his way back to the mess hall!
125. How did the Navy seaman fix his computer? He turned it off and on again, and then called IT to do it properly!
126. Why did the Navy seaman bring a ladder to the party? He wanted to be on a different level!
127. What’s a Navy seaman’s favorite superhero? Aquaman, of course!
28. Why did the Navy seaman bring a broom to the beach? He wanted to sweep away the waves!
129. How do Navy seamen like their eggs? Navy blue!
130. What’s a Navy seaman’s favorite dessert? A fleet float!
131. Why did the Navy seaman start a gardening club? He wanted to grow some seaweed!
Marine jokes about the navy
132. Why did the navy send their sailors to culinary school? Because they wanted them to learn how to properly “sea” food!
133. What do you call a navy ship full of musicians? A “sub”marine orchestra!
134. Why don’t navy sailors play hide and seek? Because good luck hiding when you’re always “anchored” to your ship!
135. How do navy sailors communicate underwater? With “submerged” messaging!
136. Why did the navy recruit dolphins? Because they needed experts in “fin”-telligence!
137. Did you hear about the navy chef who wrote a cookbook? It was a best-seller because it contained recipes that were “shore” to impress!
138. What’s a sailor’s favorite type of music? “Sea” shanties, of course!
Funny Jokes for navy sailors
139. Why did the Navy sailor bring a ladder to the submarine? Because he heard the fish were in the “top” bunk!
140. How does a Navy sailor like to start their day? With a “sailor’s salute” to the sunrise!
141.Why do Navy sailors make great poker players? Because they always know when to “deck” the halls!
142. What’s a Navy sailor’s favorite type of music? “Anchors Away” rock and roll!
143. How do Navy sailors stay cool in the summer? They use “sub-merged” air conditioning!
144. Why did the Navy sailor bring a pencil to the ocean? In case he had to draw his weapon!
145. What do you call a Navy sailor who can juggle cannonballs? A real “smooth seaman”!
Best navy seaman jokes
146. Why do Navy sailors make great comedians at Army parties? Because they know how to “navy-gate” the humor!
147. How do Navy ships say hello to Army tanks? They “wave” with their aircraft carriers!
148. Why did the Army officer join the Navy for a day? He wanted to “sea” what all the excitement was about!
149. What do Navy sailors call Army boots? Land yachts!
150. Why did the Army general invite a Navy sailor to his barbecue? He heard they’re experts at “grilling” on the high seas!
151. What’s the Navy’s favorite board game to play against the Army? Battleship, of course!
152. How do Navy sailors make the best tea? By using “sea” bags instead of tea bags when the Army is on board!
More sir in military jokes
153. Why did the soldier address his commanding officer as “Sir” even during lunchtime? Because he didn’t want to “mess hall” things up!
154. The new recruit was so polite; he even said “Sir” when the drill sergeant asked him to drop and give him 20!
155. The soldier was so obedient that he called everyone “Sir” – even the coffee maker and the broom in the barracks!
156. Why did the private always say “Sir” when he entered a room? Because he wanted to make sure he was addressing the right rank… just in case!
157. The sergeant asked the soldier, “Why do you always say ‘Sir’ at the end of every sentence?” The soldier replied, “Sir, it’s just a habit, sir!”
158. In the military, they say “Sir” is an acronym for “Simply Improve Respect.” It’s also the quickest way to avoid extra push-ups!
159. One day, the soldier accidentally said “Ma’am” to the general. The general smiled and said, “Well, that’s a promotion waiting to happen!”
Some Final Thoughts
As we come to the end of our journey through the world of Navy Seaman jokes, we hope you’ve enjoyed the laughter and camaraderie that comes with life at sea. From humorous anecdotes to playful banter, these jokes have shed light on the unique experiences and challenges faced by sailors in the Navy. Whether you’re a seasoned seaman or just someone looking for a good laugh, these jokes have surely brightened your day and added a touch of levity to the naval life. So as you bid farewell to this collection of humor, remember to keep smiling, keep laughing, and always find joy in the bonds forged on the open seas. Fair winds and following seas to all, and may your days be filled with laughter and good cheer, both on land and at sea!
