110+ Funny Amish Jokes

Looking for a good laugh? Check out these hilarious Amish jokes that will have you cracking up in no time! From rumspringa mishaps to buggy mishaps, these jokes are sure to tickle your funny bone. Read on for some of the best Amish jokes around!

The Amish community has a distinct way of life that often stands in stark contrast to modern society. With their traditional clothing and strict adherence to their religious beliefs, the Amish are a fascinating group of people to many.

While some may find the notion of making light of their lifestyle insensitive, others argue that making jokes about their customs can be an amusing way to break down barriers and find common ground through humor.

In this discussion, we will explore some of the funniest Amish jokes around and see why some find them hilarious.

Funny Amish Jokes

1) What caused the Amish woman’s expulsion from the church?  She was too Mennonite.

2)  What type of raisin do Amish people prefer?  Barn raisin.

3)  How many Amish individuals are required to change a lightbulb?  What?

4)   What goes “pataclop, pataclop, pataclop, ratatata, pataclop, pataclop”? An Amish drive-by shooting.

5)  How is Amish Gatorade different from regular Gatorade?  Amish Gatorade doesn’t have electric lights.

6)  Have you heard of the prize for the Amish children’s cooking competition? The winner who prepares the best egg dish gets to keep the Omelet omelet amulet.

7)  What do Amish children call themselves?  Omelets.

8)  What is a group of Amish witches referred to as?  A Dutch coven.

9)  Why is traveling challenging for the Amish?  Their transit system is a little buggy.

10)  Why don’t the Amish engage in water skiing?  Because their horses would drown.

11)  What is a jar filled with honeybees called by the Amish people?  A vibrator.

12)  What led to the Amish woman ending her marriage?  Her husband’s penchant for driving her buggy.

13)  Have you heard of the Amish Flu? First, you feel a little hoarse, then you get a carriage, and eventually, you make butter.

14)  What comes to mind when you think of a household without the Internet?  Something akin to an Amish abode.

15)  Is it true that Amish men can only rowboat their wives?  Indeed, motorboating is not an option.

16)  In case of a breakdown, who do the Amish call for help?  Triple Neigh, their trusty horse.

17)  How do Amish children go on a field trip?  By simply going to a different field.

18)  What type of music do the Amish enjoy?  None of the modern kind – just Techno.

19)  If the Amish had a car, what would they drive?  Probably a Volks-wagon.

20)  Do you know the new Amish rapper?  Yes, Two Chainz.

21)  How do the Amish hunt for deer? They quietly sneak up and build a barn around it.

22)  What is the typical behavior of an Amish man after a one-night stand?  He never calls back.

23)  What is a fact about the Amish? The Amish invented the very first self-driving vehicle in the 1700s, but the car was a little buggy, and the horse worked just fine.

Funny Amish Mafia Jokes

Are you ready to laugh till your belly aches? If yes, then you have come to the right place! Today, we’re going to share some hilarious Amish jokes that will surely make you roll on the floor laughing.

24)  What is the Amish term for a DUI? Engaging in horseplay.

25)  Why did the Amish lady become pregnant?  She was socializing too much with the Mennonites.

26)  Have you heard about the Amish man-octopus hybrid?  It can harvest corn like no other!

27)  Why do Amish SUVs have poor gas mileage?  They’re heavy consumers of grass.

28)  How can you identify a road with Amish residents?  It’s marked with a ‘dead end’ sign.

29)  What do Sean Connery, a concrete company, baseball, and tech-free folks have in common?  A schwing and Amish!

30)  Why were the Mennonite youngsters removed from the local baseball team?  Every time they took to bat, it was a swing and Amish.

31)  How can horse farts be helpful?  As Amish wagon window defrosters!

32)  What’s more challenging than selling ice to an Eskimo?  Selling razors to the Amish.

33)  Have you heard about the Mennonites who become wild at night? They’re Amish by day, but after dark, they run free.

34)  Why is cyberbullying an Amish person considered less harmful?  Because their lack of technology means they won’t be able to see it.

35)  What do you call an extraterrestrial who was expelled from the Amish community?  A Mar-shun.

36)  How can you identify an Amish person struggling with alcoholism?  They keep falling off the wagon.

37)  Who is the most unoccupied Amish person?  An Amish electrician.

38)  How did a survey reveal that no one in the world is Amish?  It was an online survey that the Amish could not access.

39)  What’s the advantage of telling Amish jokes?  You can share them on the internet without them ever finding out.

40)  What punishment did the Amish boy face for streaking at school?  He got suspended.

41)  Why is the Amish Space Program stuck?  Jebediah and his team can’t figure out how to make the horses go vertical.

42)  How can you distinguish the teams in Amish women’s basketball?  One team wears skirts, and the other wears shins.

43)  What kind of food do you find at an Amish buffet?  Most likely, there will be stoneware dishes.

44)  How did the Amish realize they didn’t prepare their butter properly?  It made their stomachs churn.

45)  Why did the Amish Mafia go to the dentist?  To get their teeth filed down so they could bite off more than they could chew.

46)  Why did the Amish Mafia rob the bank?  To get some cash for their horse and buggy.

47)  What do you call an Amish Mafia member with a broken arm and a broken leg?  A trusty.

Really Funny Amish Jokes

The Amish culture is often associated with simplicity, hard work, and traditional values. However, that doesn’t mean they don’t have a sense of humor!

In fact, the Amish community has a rich history of telling jokes and sharing humorous stories. Here are some of the funniest Amish jokes that are sure to make you laugh out loud.

48)  Why do Amish women avoid wearing sleeveless dresses? They don’t want to bare arms.

49)  What is a beautiful girl called in an Amish church?  A guest, not a visitor.

50)  What led to the Amish woman’s divorce?  Her husband was driving her buggy.

51)  What sound does an Amish drive-by shooting make?  Clip-clop, clip-clop, clip-clop, bang bang bang.

52)  Why didn’t the Ex-Amish guy clean his new car of all the dead insects?  He was used to his transportation being a little buggy.

53)  Why don’t Amish people water ski? Their horses might drown.

54)  Did you hear about the Amish man who was afraid of elevators?  He was Amish-stepped.

55)  Why did the Amish man cross the road?  To get to the other barn.

56)  Why don’t the Amish have phones?  They prefer to telegraph.

57)  What do you call an Amish guy with his arm up a horse’s butt?  A mechanic.

58)  What do you get when you cross a computer with an Amish guy?  A machine that makes rumble strips.

59)  Why did the Amish man refuse to buy a new house?  He didn’t want to move.

60)  Why did the Amish guy refuse to have a vasectomy?  He didn’t want to be too modern.

61)  What do you call an Amish man with a cell phone?  A hypocrite.

62)  Why did the Amish guy refuse to use the internet?  He didn’t want to get lost in the world wide web.

63)  What do you call an Amish guy with a beard?  Amish-beard.

64)  Why don’t Amish men wear watches?  They prefer to watch their cows.

65)  What do you call an Amish man who’s lost his horse and buggy? Amish-missing.

66)  What genre of music do the Amish prefer?  Classical or Folk music, as modern technology is forbidden.

67)  Why do Amish people have difficulty with transportation?  Their modes of transportation are limited to horse-drawn carriages, which can be slower and less convenient than modern cars.

68)  What is the term for an Amish person who is skilled at caring for horses?  A horseman or a farrier.

Jokes About Amish

Are you ready to laugh till your belly aches? If yes, then you have come to the right place! Today, we’re going to share some hilarious Amish jokes that will surely make you roll on the floor laughing.

69)  What is the term for Amish children?  They are referred to as Omelets.

70)  Why is it difficult to drive through an Amish neighborhood?  There are no outlets.

71)  Why don’t the Amish participate in watersports like water skiing?  Their horses could drown.

72)  How come the Amish community has not been affected by Covid?  They do not have televisions.

73)  What is a collection of Amish witches called?  A Dutch coven.

74)  What is a common habit between a hockey player and an Amish woman? They both take showers after the third period.

75)  Why don’t the Amish shave their beards?  They don’t want to “raze-a-barn.”

76)  What makes it challenging for the Amish to travel?  Their mode of transportation is a little buggy.

77)  What did the Amish husband say to his wife after she worked on the farm all day?  “I missed you, Amish you.”

78)  What did the uncertain Amish philosopher say?  “I think, therefore I am-ish.”

79)  How can you identify a road where Amish people live?  Look for a “no outlet” sign and you’ll know.

80)  Who will use the butter churn after the Amish dad?  The next person in line to use the churn is unknown.

81)  Why did the Amish community excommunicate the girl?  She was deemed to be Mennonite for the Amish community.

82)  How do you fit a group of Amish people into a Volkswagen Beetle?  Simply tell them that you’re going to the livestock auction.

83)  What makes a clip-clop sound followed by a bang in an Amish community?  An Amish drive-by shooting.

84)  What was the reason behind the Amish woman’s divorce from her husband?  She divorced him because he was driving her buggy.

85)  Why don’t the Amish engage in watersports like water skiing?  The use of motorized equipment is against their beliefs, and it could endanger the lives of their animals.

86)  How do the Amish know if their butter isn’t properly prepared?  They can tell by the consistency or texture, as well as by any adverse effects it may have on their digestion.

Clever Amish Jokes

Are you in need of a good laugh? Look no further than Clever Amish Jokes! These jokes will have you rolling on the floor with laughter in no time.

The Amish community is known for their simple way of life, but that doesn’t mean they don’t have a sense of humor.

87)  What’s the preferred type of raisin for an Amish person?  The answer is a barn raisin’.

88)  How do you refer to an Amish man whose hand is in a horse’s mouth?  He’s a mechanic in the making.

89)  What is the reason why Amish people refrain from using electricity?  They believe electric lights would interfere with their intimacy.

90)  How does Amish Gatorade differ from the regular one?  Amish Gatorade is free of electric lighting.

91)  Why did the Amish woman get banished from her community?  She was caught sleeping with two Mennonite men.

92)  What is the best way to impregnate an Amish girl?  Find two Mennonite men.

93)  How can you spot an alcoholic among the Amish?  They keep falling off the wagon.

94)  How many Amish people does it take to change a light bulb?  None, as they don’t use light bulbs.

95)  Why was the Amish girl kicked out of her house?  She was too friendly with Mennonite men.

96)  Why do Amish people practice birth control?  To prevent the spread of Abes.

97)  Why did the former Amish man not clean the dead insects off his new car?  He was used to his old buggy.

98)  Have you heard about the Amish people who turn wild after sunset? They’re Amish by day, but Mennonite by night.

99)  What was the punishment for the Amish boy who streaked at school?  He was suspended by his suspenders.

100)  How many men are needed to satisfy an Amish woman?  She needs three men per night.

101)  What creates the sound of clip clop clip clop peng clip clop?  It’s the noise of an Amish drive-by shooting.

102)  Why do Amish men make good horse mechanics?  They know their way around a horse’s insides.

103)  Have you heard Amish techno music?  It’s like nothing you’ve ever heard before.

104)  Do you know why the Amish refrain from drinking alcohol?  They prefer to stay on the wagon.

105)  What is an Amish person’s favorite type of raisin?  A barn raisin.

106)  How is Amish Gatorade different from regular Gatorade?  It’s made without electricity.

107)  What do you call an Amish drive-by shooting?  Pataclop, pataclop, pataclop, ratatata, pataclop, pataclop.

108)  What is the proper term for Amish children?  Not omelets, but rather Amish youngsters.

109)  How would you describe a group of Amish witches?  A Dutch oven, of course.

110)  Do you know the title of the shortest book in the world? It’s Amish War Heroes.

111)  What is the difference between an Amish girl and a water buffalo? About 12 pounds of hair, give or take.

112)  Why do Amish women avoid wearing sleeveless dresses?  They don’t want to bare arms.

Some Final Talk

These Amish jokes are just a small sample of the humorous stories that are passed down in the Amish community. While they may seem simple, they offer a glimpse into a culture that values hard work, family, and laughter. So, the next time you need a good laugh, just remember these Amish jokes and smile.

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