Rev up your sense of humor with our collection of funny BMW jokes. These light-hearted jokes will have car enthusiasts and BMW owners chuckling with delight. From playful jabs at luxury and performance to humorous stereotypes surrounding BMW drivers, our collection is sure to put a smile on your face.
Whether you’re a fan of German engineering or simply enjoy a good laugh, these jokes are the perfect way to inject some comedy into your automotive experience. Buckle up and get ready for a hilarious ride through the world of BMW humor.
Funny BMW Jokes
1. Why did the BMW cross the road? To show off its ultimate driving performance.
2. Why don’t BMWs like parking near other cars? They’re afraid they might catch their basic-ness.
3. Why did the BMW owner have to take his car to the dentist? Because it had a cavity – it kept stalling.
4. Why did the BMW driver refuse to buy a new car with start-stop technology? He couldn’t bear the thought of his car not constantly running like a finely-tuned engine.
5. What did the BMW driver say to the Tesla owner? “You may have the future, but I have the ultimate driving machine.”
6. Why did the BMW owner keep a hammer in his car? Just in case he ever needed to fix something that wasn’t German-engineered.
7. How do you know a BMW driver is vegan? Don’t worry, they’ll tell you.
8. What do you call a BMW that’s been in a crash? A break-dance-mobile!
9. Why don’t BMWs get sunburnt? Because they have BMW-tan!
10. Why do BMW drivers refuse to signal before changing lanes? They think it’s beneath them to use a commoner’s method of communication.
11. Why don’t BMWs have blinkers? They don’t want to be told what to do by their cars.
12. What’s the only thing more expensive than a BMW? A broken BMW.
13. Why do BMW drivers always get lost? Because their GPS can’t keep up with how fast they’re driving.
14. Why did the BMW driver install a disco ball in his car? So he could signal with his bling!
15. Why do BMW drivers always look down on other car owners? Because they’re used to being on top of the road.
16. Why did the BMW driver bring a ladder to the car dealership? Because he heard the new BMW models have “high beam” headlights.
17. How does a BMW owner know it’s winter? The dashboard says “Chill.”
18. Why did the BMW driver park his car on top of a hill? Because he wanted to experience “hill start assist” without having to actually start the car.
19. Why don’t BMW owners wave to each other on the road? Because their hands are too busy adjusting the seat warmers.
20. How many BMW drivers does it take to change a light bulb? None, they just complain about how much brighter it used to be in their old BMW.
Funny BMW Driver Jokes
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21. How do you know if a BMW driver is tailgating you? They’re not. They’re just trying to let you know that they’re better than you.
22. Why did the BMW driver refuse to use his turn signal? Because he didn’t want to wear it out before the rest of the car.
23. How do you make a BMW go faster? Take the roundel off the hood, it will be lighter without it.
24. Why did the BMW owner name his car “Jessica”? Because it had a lot of horsepower and was always high-maintenance.
25. Why don’t BMWs come with cup holders? Because real BMW drivers don’t need to drink while driving, they have to use both hands to text and take selfies.
26. Why did the BMW driver cross the road? To show off his turn signal.
27. Why did the BMW driver buy a dash cam? So he could watch himself tailgate people…
28. Why did the BMW driver buy a convertible? So he could let everyone know how much better he is than them.
29. Why did the BMW driver get a speeding ticket? He was driving too slowly.
30. What’s the best way to get a BMW driver to slow down? Pull up next to him in a minivan.
Funny BMW Motorcycle Jokes
Enjoy a laughter-filled ride with the latest and greatest BMW Motorcycle jokes that will surely put a smile on your face. Read the best jokes now!
31. Why did the BMW rider wear a helmet? Because he couldn’t afford a BMW car!
32. Why did the BMW rider refuse to take off his leather jacket? He wanted to make a good impression on the cows!
33. Why do BMW motorcycles have such great sound systems? So you can hear them over the rider’s complaints!
34. What’s the difference between a BMW rider and a parking spot? The parking spot is free!
35. How do you know when a BMW rider has had a great ride? When he complains about his neck, back, and arms the next day!
36. Why did the BMW rider switch to a Ducati? He wanted to try a bike that didn’t come with a snobbish reputation!
37. What do you call a BMW rider without a motorcycle? A pedestrian!
38. Why do BMW riders think they’re superior to all other motorcyclists? Because they paid extra for that fancy roundel logo on their tank!
39. How do you know if someone is a BMW motorcycle owner? They’ll tell you.
40. What do you call a group of BMW motorcycles? A pack of overpriced two-wheelers.
41. How many BMW motorcycle riders does it take to change a light bulb? One to change it and another to complain about the cost of replacement bulbs.
42. Why don’t BMW motorcycles wave to each other? Because their riders are too busy looking down their noses.
43. Why did the BMW motorcycle rider cross the road? To show off their superior handling skills.
44. How do you know when a BMW motorcycle has been stolen? It’s still parked in the same spot but all the accessories are missing.
45. Why did the BMW motorcycle rider buy a Harley? To experience the thrill of being part of a brotherhood that actually waves to each other.
46. How many BMW motorcycle riders does it take to screw in a light bulb? Just one, but it’ll cost you a small fortune in parts and labor.
Jokes About BMW Car
47. How many BMW owners does it take to change a lightbulb? None, they just buy a new car with LED headlights.
48. What’s the best way to get a BMW driver to slow down? Pull up next to him in a minivan.
49. Why did the BMW driver buy a dash cam? So he could watch himself tailgate people.
50. What do you call a BMW driver who uses his turn signal? A show-off.
51. Why did the BMW driver buy a convertible? So he could let everyone know how much better he is than them.
52. Why did the BMW driver get a speeding ticket? He was driving too slow.
53. What’s the difference between a BMW and a lawnmower? The lawnmower doesn’t have a sunroof.
54. What do you call a BMW with a broken turn signal? A BMW.
BMW Jokes Memes
55. Why did the BMW driver get lost? Because his GPS kept saying “Recalculating route” every time he tried to turn right.
56. Why did the BMW owner cross the road? To get to the other side… where his dealership was.
57. Why don’t BMW owners ever use turn signals? Because they’re too busy showing off their blinker fluid.
58. Why did the BMW owner’s wife divorce him? Because he kept talking about his car’s “Ultimate Driving Machine” instead of saying “I love you.”
59. Do you call a BMW with a turn signal? A unicorn!
60. What do you call a BMW owner who actually follows traffic laws? An oxymoron.
61. Why did the BMW driver get pulled over by the police? Because he thought “autobahn” meant “race track.”
62. Why did the BMW owner go to the therapist? Because he couldn’t stop obsessing over his car’s resale value.
63. What’s BMW’s favorite music genre? Classical… because it never goes out of style.
64. Why don’t BMWs come with airbags? Because the ego of the driver is enough to cushion any impact.
65. “How do you know someone drives a BMW? They’ll tell you.”
66. “Why don’t BMWs have a park button? Because BMW drivers never stop showing off their car.”
67. “Why do BMWs have such small turn signals? So you won’t see them until they’re already merging into your lane.”
BMW Jokes Reddit
Prepare your funny bone for hilarious BMW jokes that will leave you chuckling for hours. Discover the most entertaining BMW jokes out there.
68. What does BMW stand for? Break My Wallet!
68. Why did the BMW driver bring a ladder? To reach high levels of arrogance.
69. How do you double the value of a BMW? Fill up the gas tank.
70. Why do BMW drivers never signal? They like to keep their intentions a mystery.
71. How do you know someone drives a BMW? Don’t worry, they’ll tell you.
72. Why did the BMW owner become a magician? He mastered the art of disappearing turn signals.
73. What’s the cheapest part of a BMW? The driver.
74. What does BMW stand for in Texas? Bought My Wife.
75. How do you make a BMW go faster uphill? Push it.
76. What’s the first question BMW drivers ask when they get into an accident? “Is my car okay?”
77. Why did the BMW driver bring a coat with him? In case he wanted to park in the handicapped spot.
78. Why do BMW drivers hate speed bumps? They slow down their conversations.
79. Why did the BMW driver get a speeding ticket? The speedometer is only a suggestion.
80. How do you break the windshield of a BMW? Park it in the sun for five minutes.
81. Why don’t BMWs come with a rearview mirror? The driver only needs to see what’s in front of them.
82. Why did the BMW driver get a dictionary? To look up the word “turn signal.”
83. How do you make a BMW disappear? Remove the “B” and the “W.”
84. What’s the most commonly used tool in a BMW toolkit? The checkbook.
85. Why do BMW drivers never make eye contact? They’re busy looking down on everyone else.
BMW Stands for Jokes
86. Why did the BMW driver refuse to go to the dentist? Because he was afraid his car would have a “check-up” and he couldn’t afford any repairs!
87. Why did the BMW driver wear sunglasses? Because he wanted to block out the haters who were jealous of his luxury ride.
88. Why did the BMW driver break up with his girlfriend? Because she refused to sit in the backseat and he didn’t want anyone sitting in his prized possession.
89. Why did the BMW driver always carry a ladder in his car? To show off his roof rack even when he wasn’t using it.
90. Why did the BMW driver take a train instead of driving? Because he couldn’t handle the gas prices anymore.
91. Why did the BMW driver hate using public parking garages? Because he couldn’t trust anyone with his precious ride, even the valet.
92. Why did the BMW owner refuse to go to the beach? Because he was afraid of getting a sea-serious case of corrosion.
93. What do you call a BMW owner with a broken tail light? A hazard, and a brake failure.
94. Why don’t BMW owners ever wave at each other while driving? They’re too busy showing off their new gadgets.
95. How do you make a BMW driver happy? Just fill their tank with gas, and they’ll do the rest.
96. What do you call a BMW driver that respects the speed limit? Non-existent.
97. Why did the BMW owner take up cycling? So they could be closer to their car’s speed.
98. Why do BMW drivers never use turn signals? They consider them optional extras.
99. What’s the difference between a BMW and a shopping trolley? The shopping trolley is easier to park and won’t dent as easily.
100. Why did the BMW driver buy a steering wheel lock? To stop their car from constantly showing off its superior handling.
101. What’s the best way to double a BMW’s value? Fill up the gas tank.
BMW Jokes One Liner
102. Why did the BMW driver bring a ladder to the car show? Because he wanted to show off his high Beemer skills!
103. Why did the BMW owner get a parking ticket? Because he thought “parking fine” meant he had done an excellent job!
104. What do you call a BMW that doesn’t run? A work in progress.
105. How do you make a BMW disappear? Put it in a parking lot with a sign that says “Free Parking.”
106. Why don’t BMW drivers use turn signals? Because they prefer to keep their intentions as mysterious as their dashboard symbols.
107. How many BMW drivers does it take to change a light bulb? Just one, but he’ll spend two hours talking about how great the old one was.
108. Why did the BMW driver get fired from his job? He couldn’t stop talking about his car during work meetings.
109. How do you double the value of a BMW? Fill it up with gas.
110. Why did the BMW driver refuse to let anyone drive his car? He thought they would be driven to jealousy.
111. Why do BMWs have such small rearview mirrors? So they can focus on the car behind them, not the car they just cut off.
112. Why do BMWs have heated steering wheels? So the driver’s hands don’t get cold when they’re pushing their luck on the road.
113. What’s the best feature on a BMW? The “OFF” button for the turn signals.
114. Why did the BMW driver refuse to drive through the countryside? He didn’t want to get any bugs on his perfectly polished hood.
115. Why do BMW drivers wear seat belts? So they don’t get stuck in the car when they try to exit with their noses in the air.
116. How do you make a BMW accelerate 0-60 mph in under 5 seconds? Push it off a cliff.
117. Why are BMW drivers never invited to parties? Because they always take the Beemer but never bring ‘er back.
118. Why do BMWs come with an owner’s manual? So the driver knows how to operate the turn signal lever once in a while.
119. What’s the difference between a BMW driver and a hedgehog? The hedgehog has brains on the inside.
Short funny BMW jokes
120.Why do BMW drivers always carry an umbrella? Because they can’t tell when it’s just a light drizzle or full-on ‘ultimate driving weather’!
121.How do you make a BMW owner smile? Fill up their gas tank without them having to take out a second mortgage!
122.Did you hear about the BMW that got a speeding ticket? Apparently, even the car thought it was an ‘autobahn’!
123.BMW drivers and WiFi have something in common – they both work best when they’re not surrounded by too many trees!
124.Why did the BMW driver bring a ladder to the dealership? To finally see eye to eye with their fellow SUV drivers!
125.What’s a BMW’s favorite type of music? The horn section – because it loves to honk at everything!
126.How do you know someone drives a BMW? Don’t worry; they’ll tell you – and they’ll tell you again, just to be sure!
BMW joke be my wife
127.”Are you a BMW? Because you’ve got curves that can navigate any corner of my heart.”
128.”If you were a BMW, you’d be the Ultimate Driving Companion I’ve been searching for!”
129.”I must be a BMW enthusiast because I want you to ‘M’arry me!”
130.”Are you a BMW owner? Because you just accelerated my heart rate!”
131.”Are you a BMW? Because you’ve got the kind of elegance and style that’s hard to find.”
132.”I don’t need GPS to find my way to your heart; I just need your love, and we’ll be on the ‘M’ express together!”
133.”Hey there, are you a BMW? Because I’m ready to ‘drive’ into a lifetime of adventures with you!”
Final Thoughts
BMW jokes can provide a lighthearted and humorous break in the day for any car enthusiast. Whether you are a BMW owner or simply enjoy a good laugh, these jokes are sure to bring a smile to your face.
Take a moment to enjoy these funny BMW jokes and share them with your fellow car enthusiasts for a guaranteed good laugh.
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