80+ Hilarious Stabbing Puns

It’s time to get out your knives and sharpen up your puns! Checkout these hilariously dark stabbing puns that are sure to make you chuckle.

Clever Stabbing Puns

Discover a collection of funny stabbing puns and knife related jokes. Get ready to laugh with these clever wordplay and puns about stabs and knives.

1. I wanted to start a band called “The Stab Wounds,” but we couldn’t find anyone willing to take a stab at it.

2. I accidentally stabbed my 2023 calendar. Guess I won’t be planning anything for this year.

3. The knife and the fork had an argument, and the fork said, “Let’s just stick with each other, and not get involved with this cutting-edge drama.”

4. The knife shared its experience at the self-defense seminar, saying, “It was quite a slash course!”

5. I tried to open my front door with my car keys, but it didn’t work. Turns out, you can’t stab your way in.

6. I asked my friend to guess what I got her for her birthday and she said, “Something sharp and pointy?” I replied, “You’re on the right stab!”

7. Two knives were talking, and one said, “I always have a point to make,” to which the other replied, “Well, I’m always cutting edge!”

8. My friend is so clumsy, he accidentally stabbed himself with a plastic spork. He really took forkplay to a whole new level.

9. When the boxer tried to stab his opponent, he missed and said, “I guess I have a cutout for this kind of precision.”

10. I saw a movie about a knife that went on a stabbing spree. It was a real blade runner!

11. A criminal tried to pickpocket me but accidentally stabbed himself with a hidden blade. I guess you could say he met his own mugger.

12. Why did the chef bring a knife to the comedy show? He wanted to get some stab-stand-up comedy!

13. I accidentally stabbed my math textbook. I guess you could say I made a sharp calculation error.

14. The vegetable asked the knife, “Are you feeling a little stabby today?” The knife replied, “I’ve always got a point to make!”

15. Instead of taking up cooking, I decided to master stabbing techniques. You could say I’m really getting a handle on it.

16. I bought a knife that was supposed to be incredibly sharp, but it turned out to be a real stab in the dark.

17. I joined a self-defense class, but I was disappointed when all they taught was how to stab people with words.

18. A friend asked me if I had a knife for the cake. I replied, “No, but I’m sure it’ll still be a cutting-edge dessert.”

19. I tried to impress my friends by juggling knives, but it didn’t go well. I really lost my stab at stardom.

20. I accidentally stabbed my pillow. I guess you could say I had a “sharp” nightmare.

Funny Stabbing Puns

Looking for some laughter? Check out our collection of stabbing puns and jokes. Discover clever wordplay and funny puns that involve knives and stabbing.

21. “I took a job as a professional chef, but quickly realized I preferred cutting-edge stabbing techniques.”

22. “If I ever start a band, it would definitely be called ‘The Stabbing Cellos’. Our music would really cut through the noise.”

23. “I used to be a dull person, but after embracing the world of stabbing, I feel truly sharpened.”

24. “Remember, folks, always use proper stabbing etiquette. Safety first, then fun!”

25. “Knives to meet you! Prepare to be hilariously stabbed with these puns!”

26. “Stab-urday Night Live couldn’t compete with these gut-busting stabbing puns!”

27. “Are you ready to die… laughing? Brace yourself for these sidesplitting stabbing puns!”

28. “Caution: uncontrollable laughter ahead! Our top 25 stabbing puns will have you in stitches!”

29. “Looking for a good laugh? These stabbing puns are razor-sharp and comedy gold!”

30. “We’ve sharpened our comedic wit to deliver the top 25 stabbing puns that will leave you breathless… with laughter!”

Funny Stabbing Puns

31. “Laughing is the best medicine, and these stabbing puns are the cure for a dull day!”

32. “These stabbing puns are sharp enough to leave you breathless… from laughing, of course!”

32. “If laughter is the best medicine, then these stabbing puns are the ultimate prescription for a good time!”

33. “Who knew stabbing could be so funny? Dive into our hilarious collection of puns and find out for yourself!”

34. “Ready to have a blast? These stabbing puns will leave you in stitches and rolling on the floor laughing!”

Funny Knife Puns 

35. Life is too short to have a dull knife.

36. I’m always ready to take a stab at a new challenge.

37.  Let’s carve out some time for fun!

38. I’m not trying to butter you up, but you’re really sharp!

39. I like my jokes as sharp as my knives.

40. I’ve honed my skills in the kitchen.

41. Cutting through life one slice at a time.

42. I’m the sharpest tool in the shed!

43. It’s time to slice and dice!

44. I’m a cutlery connoisseur.

45. Don’t cross me, or you might get cut!

46. Cooking is my bread and butter.

47. I’ll always lend a helping hand… unless I’m holding a knife.

48. My knife skills are on point!

49. There’s no problem a knife can’t solve… or create!

50. A knife a day keeps the boredom away.

51 I’m as tough as a stainless steel blade.

52. I’ve got a sharp wit and even sharper knives.

53. I’m not afraid to take risks; I’m always on the cutting edge.

54. I like to keep my cuts clean and precise.

55. A good chef knows that every meal starts with a good knife.

56. Remember, friends don’t let friends use dull knives!

Funny Puns About Stabbing

Looking for some laughter? Check out our collection of stabbing puns and jokes. Discover clever wordplay and funny puns that involve knives and stabbing.

57. “My friend is obsessed with cutlery puns. It’s almost as if he has a knife sense of humor!”

58. “After my cooking class, the instructor praised my knife skills, saying, ‘You’ve really come a stab-ularly long way!'”

59. “I had a friend who tried to create a hip-hop group centered around knives. It didn’t go well; they couldn’t handle the sharp rap skills!”

60. “My teacher asked me how I managed to stab my pen through five sheets of paper. I simply replied, ‘That’s how I punctuate my notes!'”

61. “I can never bring myself to eat cereal with a knife. It just seems too stab-norm!”

62. “My dad told me to watch out for strangers who try to stab you with their words. I guess that’s why I’ve developed such a sharp comeback game!”

63. “What’s a knife’s favorite subject in school? Stab-stract math!”

64. “Knife to meet you, I’m in a stab-ulous mood today!”

Funny Puns About Stabbing

65. “I wanted to be a chef, but I realized my true calling was ‘stab chef’.”

66. “When it comes to stabbing, I’m a cut above the rest.”

67. “My knife skills are so sharp, I could be a slice consultant.”

68. “I don’t always stab, but when I do, it’s with style.”

6). “I asked my friend to bring a dagger to the party, but they said they didn’t want to stab-lish a bad reputation.”

70. “Stabbing can be risky, but it’s a thrill that cuts deep.”

71. “I went to a knife throwing class and it really helped me point myself in the right direction.”

72. “People might say stabbing is a dark art, but I see it as my way of spreading the sharpness of life.”

73. “Stabbing may seem dark, but I’m just a shadow with a pointed purpose.”

Stabbing Puns One Liners

74. “I went for a jog today and accidentally tripped and fell on my knife collection.”

75. “In a heated argument, he asked for my opinion, but I said, ‘Let’s not make this a pointy discussion.'”

76. “I told my knife it had a ‘point’ to prove, but it just gave me a blunt response.”

77. “My friend claims he’s the ultimate knife thrower, but honestly, I think he’s just ‘pointing’ out his failures.”

78.  “Why did the cucumber file a police report? Because it got stabbed during a pickling incident.”

79. “I found a dull knife in the kitchen, but it wasn’t really my ‘slice’ of reality.”

80. “When the chef accidentally burned his hand, his coworkers told him, ‘Don’t worry, it’s a cut-throat industry.'”

81. “Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the knife coming!”

82. “Why did the baker become a chef? Because he realized he kneaded a slice of life that involved more stab-ility!”

83. “I entered a knife-throwing competition, but it didn’t go well. I guess I wasn’t quite ‘on point.'”

Some Final Talk

After reading through all these hilarious puns and jokes about Stabbing , we hope you had a good laugh.

If you want to read more like these stabbing puns, then check out these other great lists of funny jokes and puns:

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