If you’re a fan of comedy and beards, you’re in luck! We’ve got some hilarious knocked-up beard jokes to share with you. Whether you’re a fan of clean or dirty jokes, there’s something here for everyone. So prepare to chuckle, guffaw, and LOL your way through some of the funniest beard jokes around.
Beards are the perfect accessory for any man looking to add an extra touch of style to their look. But, sometimes, a beard can make you the butt of a few jokes. If you’re someone with a thick, full beard, chances are you’ve heard a few ‘knocked up beard’ jokes.
That said, there are some great knocked-up beard jokes out there that can be used in a non-offensive way. Here are just a few of our favorites:
Knocked up Beard Jokes
1. What happened when my friend boasted about his facial hair?
I couldn’t stand his bragging any longer!
2. Why did the man take legal action against the barber who touched his beard?
He saw it as a violation of his personal space.
3. What do you say when a barber has a successful year in business?
We can say it’s been a good hair day for him!
4. What was the slogan of the barber’s shop?
“Get a cut above the rest, anywhere, anytime!”
5. Why was the man irritated with his friend who teased him about his facial hair?
Because it was a sensitive subject for him.
6. What do you call a barber who doesn’t have a beard?
7. Why did the man assist his friends in trimming their facial hair?
Because he believed in showing his friends that he cared.
8. What is a beard’s favorite type of nut?
9. What did the man with a beard name his pottery store?
10. Why did the man with a receding hairline decide to grow a beard?
Because he wanted to have a “hair” plan for the future.
11. Why did the barber eat only goat meat?
Because he was fond of mutton chops.
12. Where are all the ancient mustaches stored?
Perhaps in one of the mustachio museums.
13. What quip did the bartender make to the man with the droopy mustache?
“Are you trying to drink with your eyebrows or is that your mustache?”
14. Who was responsible for styling Obi-Wan’s facial hair?
Obi-Wan’s beard was groomed by none other than Darth Braider!
15. Why did the young man receive a grooming kit on his birthday?
Because he was celebrating his “seventeenth” birthday.
16. Why don’t bearded men need a vacuum?
Because their facial hair serves as a convenient crumb catcher.
17. Why was the man with a beard feeling irate?
Because he kept getting mistaken for a hipster.
18. Why was the bearded man with low self-esteem happy to hang out with his non-bearded friends?
Because he was mistaken for the group’s leader!
19. What did the newly grown beard say to the man’s face?
“I’ve been hair before!”
20. Why did the man prioritize buying beard oil over getting food?
Because caring for his beard is an essential part of his hair routine.
21. What did the balding man and the teenager trying to grow a beard have in common?
For them, every hair mattered!
22. Why did Spot refuse to let go of his owner’s beard?
He was “Klingon” to it!
23. What is a bearded hipster’s preferred metal band?
Beard Jokes From Knocked Up
24. Which snack boasts a splendid mustache?
The pi-stach-io stands proud and unique.
25. Why do the mustache and beard have a rivalry?
Because they can’t seem to harmonize with one another.
26. What type of facial hair did Rocky sport?
Rocky’s facial hair was a Balbo-a.
27. What did the barber say to the man after trimming his beard?
“Every good thing must come to an end.”
28. Why do superheroes look up to barbers?
Because they always shave the day!
29. Why did the man grow a mustache despite always wearing a mask in public?
Because he desired a secret ‘stache.
30. What did the hipster say to his chef friend with a beard?
“Enjoy every bite, savor it!”
31. Why did the man grow his beard even bigger than last time?
Because he wanted to grow it exponentially.
32. Who holds the title of the world’s most renowned bearded wizard?
Without a doubt, it’s Gandalf.
33. Why was the man’s beard so visually appealing?
Because it was braided to perfection.
34. Why do men have an attachment to their beards?
Because it’s a natural part of them.
35. Why did the bearded man refuse the invitation to the charity event?
Because it was a fund razor.
36. Why did the bearded man take legal action against the barber who sneakily shaved his beard?
Because the barber held a grudge against him.
37. Why did the bearded prince marry Rapunzel?
Because he wanted a fairy-tale ending with plenty of hair.
38. What happened to the bearded clown after being expelled from the circus?
He lost his main source of income and livelihood.
39. What follows Movember?
Decembeard, of course!
40. What did the pirate with a beard ask the new cruise captain?
“Where did you stash all the treasure, matey?”
Funny Beard Jokes From Knocked Up
41. Why did the man with a beard become a detective?
Because he was good at following leads.
42. What did the bearded musician say when asked how he kept his beard so tidy?
“I always groom in harmony.”
43. Why did the bearded athlete win the championship?
Because his beard gave him extra chin-ups!
44. What do you call a bearded vegetable?
45. Why did the man refuse to shave his beard for his wedding?
Because he wanted to keep his best man.
46. Why did the man with a beard choose not to use shaving cream?
Because he preferred a whiskey sour.
47. What did the bearded chef say when asked how he kept his beard hair-free while cooking?
“I’m a whisk-taker!”
48. Why did the man decide to grow a beard during quarantine?
Because he wanted to do his part in flattening the curve.
49. Why do some women find men with beards attractive?
Perhaps it’s the rugged, masculine look that they exude.
50. Why did the man who struggled to grow a beard try a unique solution?
He opted to attach a rabbit to his chin in hopes of achieving the desired facial hair.
51. Why did the bearded gentleman visit the barber regularly?
To keep his impressive mane well-groomed and maintained.
52. Why was the man who grew his beard for a year apprehensive about going to the barber?
He feared the barber might ruin his precious growth.
53. Why did the man persist in growing his beard?
He felt that his beard added to his overall attractiveness and made him feel more confident.
54. Why do some men feel more self-assured after growing a beard?
It could be because they feel more masculine or because they appreciate the attention that their beard attracts.
55. Why did the famous psychologist Ivan Pavlov take such good care of his beard?
He prided himself on conditioning not only his subjects but also his facial hair.
56. How did the man respond when someone criticized his beard-growing efforts?
He shrugged it off and didn’t let it bother him.
57. Why did the man shave his mustache before embarking on a risky endeavor?
He figured it was better to err on the side of caution and remove any potential hindrances.
Jokes About Beard Guy From Knocked Up
58. What did the barber say when Jake from ‘Knocked Up’ entered his shop?
“Nice beard! I guess it’s beginner board trim!”
59. Why did the bearded guy from Knocked Up never come out of his trailer?
Because he was afraid no one would recognize him without his trademark facial hair!
60. What did the bearded guy from Knocked Up say when he saw a bald man with a ponytail?
61. What did the beard guy from Knocked Up have for breakfast?
62. What did the Beard Guy from Knocked Up do when he lost his job?
He tried to regrow it!
63. What did the beard guy from Knocked Up say when he was late for his date?
Nothing, my beard took too long to get ready!
64. What did the beard guy from Knocked Up call his next movie?
The Follicle Unchained.
65. What did the beard guy from Knocked Up say when someone asked him to shave?
He replied, “I’m too hairy tutti-frutti!”
66. What did the bearded guy from Knocked Up say when asked why he wore a beard?
“What’s this beardless fuss everyone is at?”
67. Why did the bearded guy from Knocked Up make such jokes?
Because he was too afraid to get on stage and could only tell his best lines when nobody else was around!
68. Why did the bearded guy from Knocked Up have such an unkempt look?
He was always trying to grow a joke but could never quite get it right!
69. What did the bearded guy from Knocked Up say when someone asked him for a haircut?
“No way, I’m already rocking this look!”
70. Why did the beard effect guy from Knocked Up get so famous?
Because he was always bearded up to success!
71. How did the beard guy from “Knocked Up” get his facial hair so long?
He applied for grants.
72. What did the beard guy from Knocked Up have for breakfast?
A bowl of stubble berries.
73. What did the Beard Guy from Knocked Up do when he was barbecuing?
He used his hairdryer to make sure every hair on it cooked evenly.
74. What did the Beard Guy from Knocked Up say when he saw his reflection in the mirror?
“I grow on you!”
75. What did the bearded guy from Knocked Up say when he heard his coffee was too hot?
“Ya burnt, mane!”
76. Why did the bearded guy from Knocked Up decide to grow a goatee?
He thought it would make him look wryly ironic!
77. What did the bearded guy from Knocked Up say to his barber?
“Does this look funny or what?”
78. What do you call a guy with an abundance of facial hair in Knocked Up?
The ‘Beard Guy’.
79. What did the Beard Guy from Knocked Up say when his friend asked him why he grew a beard?
He replied, “I’m trying to make it look like I have more of a life than just watching movies.”
80. What’s the difference between a beard and Brad Pitt?
Only one of them gets made fun of in Knocked Up!
81. What do you call a guy with a full beard that keeps showing up everywhere?
The Unkempt Slapstick!
82. What did the bearded guy from Knocked Up say when he accidentally shaved?
“Oops, I guess it’s time to learn a new joke.”
Jokes About Beards
These following are just a few of the many knocked up beard jokes out there. Whether you’re expecting it or not, it’s always good to add a little humor to your life.
And, when it comes to beards, you can’t go wrong with a few lighthearted jokes. So, go ahead and let your facial hair be the source of some good-natured fun.
83. What do you say to a bearded man who just won a race?
You’re a real follicle champion!
84. Why did the bearded man join the circus?
To become the main attraction!
85. What’s the difference between a bearded man and a clean-shaven man?
About two weeks.
86. Why did the bearded man refuse to shave his beard?
He didn’t want to lose face.
87. What do you call a bearded man who can play the guitar?
A whisker picker.
88. Why did the bearded man go to the doctor?
He had a hair-raising experience.
89. What do you call a bearded man who loves to cook?
A culinary caveman.
90. Why did the bearded man cross the road?
To get to the barbershop on the other side.
91. What do you call a bearded man who is also a magician?
A hairy potter.
92. Why did the bearded man go to the art museum?
To brush up on his facial hair-styling techniques.
93. Why did the unfortunate man with facial hair shave?
Because he believed in the power of a clean-shaven look.
94. Why did the thief with a beard shave before the bank heist?
To avoid leaving any evidence behind and be a suave criminal.
95. Why didn’t the barber inquire about the beard?
Because he planned to shave it off later.
96. Why couldn’t the man with a bushy beard find the reason behind his itchy beard?
Because he couldn’t get to the root cause of it.
97. Why do the British dislike lengthy beards?
Because of their disdain for the Vikings.
98. What did the well-groomed goat order at the café?
A cup of Goa-tea.
99. How many bearded men are needed to replace a lightbulb?
Ten – one to complete the task and nine to appreciate each other’s beards.
100. Where does a beard stylist purchase grooming supplies?
At the Shaven Eleven.
101. What type of hairdo did the goose have?
A ducktail hairstyle!
102. Why did the hipster avoid his social circle after visiting the barber?
Because he was working on perfecting his freshly shaved face.
103. What do you call a guy with a beard who knocks up someone after just one date?
194. Why did the Beard Guy from Knocked Up look so stern?
Because he was taking someone else’s chin scrubber!
Dirty Beard Jokes
105. What did the scruffy pirate say when his beard got caught in a zipper?
Arrrgh! Ain’t nothin’ gettin’ this knot outta my face!
106. Why don’t drama kings have beards?
Because they prefer thin moustaches.
107. What did the beard say when it saw an exciting crime?
“This looks like a job for a mysterious beard!”
108. What do you call a dirty beard that comes to life?
An animated scruffy!
109. What did the cowboy say when he saw the dust cloud coming towards him?
Oh great, here comes my dirt beard!
110. Why did the beard go to the barber?
He wanted a trim!
111. What did the bearded dragon say when it saw a spider in its bedroom?
“That’s whiskers, man!”
112. What did the abominable snowman say to his beard?
Did you know I’m in style with all this flakey stuff?
113. Why don’t pirate beards ever get clean?
Because they’re always in a sea of oil!
114. What did the pirate say when he sneezed?
Arrrgh, what a beard-iful day!
115. What did the facial hair say when it went for a trip around town?
I mustache you a question, but I’ll shave it for later.
116. What did the barbershop say when it saw an unkempt beard?
“Man, that’s a really dirty look!”
117. What did the beard say to the geologist?
Can you tell me where I can get some rocks off your face?
118. Why did the pirate have a dirty beard?
Because he was always too-cute to wash his facial scruff!
119. Why did the pirate say “arrr” after every sentence?
Because he had an affinity for beards!
120. What did the pirate say when he itched his beard?
Arrrrgggghhh, I’ve got a scratch-me-ship!
121. Why did the walrus go to the barber shop?
He wanted a few good, unique dirty beards.
122. Why did the old man go to a barber?
He wanted to get his dirty beard clean!
123. What do you call a dirty beard?
A scruff-tacular sight!
124. Why did the lumberjack get fired from his job?
Because he kept showing up to work with a dirty beard!
125. What did the pirate say when he grew a new beard?
Time to get me eight more mates!
126. Why did the hipster burn his beard?
Because he was tired of kissing his barista!
127. Why did the beard get rejected from the petting zoo?
Because it kept giving people nasty looks.
128. What did the beard say to the razor?
“Let’s just agree to disagree!”
129. What do you call a dirty beard?
130. Why did the beard get so agitated?
Because it wasn’t used to being taken for grime!
131. Why did the bearded pirate not bathe?
He wanted to maintain his scurvy reputation!
132. Why did the bearded man cross the road?
To get to the barbershop!
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Some Final Talk
These are just a few of the many knocked-up beard jokes available. Whether you’re the proud parent-to-be or simply a fan of facial hair humor, you’re sure to get a good laugh out of these classic quips.
So, the next time you’re looking for a good laugh, why not break out one of these classic knocked-up beard jokes? With just a few simple words, you can have your friends in stitches in no time!