Medieval times were a time of knights, castles, and battles. But, did you know that they also had a great sense of humor?
We may not have recordings of their jokes, but we do have some hilarious medieval dad jokes that have been passed down through the centuries. Here are a few of our favorites:
Funny Medieval Dad Jokes
1. Why were the engineers from the Aztec civilization so skilled?
They had an excellent education in engineering, thanks to Aztech!
2. What was the reaction of King Arthur’s mother when he tried to pull the sword from the stone?
She scolded him for playing with sharp objects!
3. Why did the knight choose a sword made of cheddar cheese for the tournament?
Because he wanted to slice through the competition with extra sharpness!
4. Why did the medieval knight spend time polishing his armor before the Queen’s dinner party?
He wanted to arrive as a knight in shining armor!
5. Why did King Arthur decide to have a roundtable in his court?
So that none of his knights could corner him!
6. What was the king’s reaction when he heard about the peasants’ revolt?
He agreed with them, as they never bathed and always smelled bad.
7. Why were medieval knights experts in taking selfies?
Because they knew how to hold a stable selfie stick!
8. Why was the court jester almost executed?
Because the Queen didn’t find the joke funny until the last moment!
9. What do you call people in the middle ages who only ate vegetables?
They were known as poor peasants!
10. Why were the armies in the middle ages always exhausted?
Because there were too many sleepless knights in the army!
11. What is the name of the cheese that can protect a medieval castle from enemies?
It’s called mozzarella!
12. What do you call a medieval knight who is available for hire?
You can call him a freelancer!
13. Why did the medieval architect love going to the beach?
He wanted to build the perfect sandcastle!
14. What were people who worked in banks called in the medieval times?
They were known as fortune keepers!
15. What did explorers do to hide their treasures in the middle ages?
They would dragon them to a safe location!
16. What is the name of the superhero movie that all bards from the middle ages love watching?
It’s called ‘Birds of Prey’!
17. What is the device that the king uses to control the moat around his castle?
He uses a remote control!
18. Why did the dragon spare the medieval knight?
Because he didn’t want to eat canned food for dinner!
19. Why was the young medieval prince happy when he heard that there was a high rate of inflation?
Because inflation was good for his bouncy castle!
20. What did Kings and Queens call the game of musical chairs in the medieval ages?
They called it the ‘Game of Thrones’!
21. What was the favorite pastime of peasants from the medieval times?
They loved to go surfing!
22 Why did the cruel king throw a party for his knights?
To Knight everyone to show off!
23. How does an orc greet a noble knight?
“Hail Sir Loot!”
24. Why was digging trenches during the middle ages considered an honor?
Because it showed someone’s shovels!
Medieval Puns Funny
If you’re a fan of cheesy puns and jokes that make you groan, then you’ll love these medieval dad jokes.
These jokes are perfect for any history buff, Renaissance fair enthusiast, or anyone who appreciates a good laugh. So grab your sword and shield and get ready to laugh like a jester.
25. Knight in shining armor: He was so confident, he thought he could solve anything!
26. Kingdoms collide: When two royalty fight each other, things get totally chaotic.
27. Carpe Diem: Seize the day before there’s a jousting tournament!
28. Lance it up!: This is what we say when an idea turns out to be especially clever or creative.
29. The blacksmith’s favorite type of metalwork weapon is an ax-oMORON.
30. A knight who was always late would often apologise with the phrase “I’ve just knighted.”
31. When asked to meditate, a wise monk said “I know how to ‘knight’ time.”
32. The medieval blacksmith had a knack for crafting puns. He thought it was his hammer-damental duty!
33. I’d draw a line between you and me, but that would be anachronistic.
34. If Lancelot was unhappy he must have been en-knighted.
35. This medieval pun is right out of the ark: Noah built a castle!
36. “Knight and day” – The ideal time for a jouster to fight.
37. “Attack of the Clones” – When an army of scribes are publishing royal decrees at lightning speeds!
38. “The King’s Speech”- A performance that ends with multiple comedy awards from local nobles.
39. “Braveheart Knights”- Heroic warriors who live by their courageous convictions.
40. “Game of Crowns “- An ancient version of Monopoly where thrones can be won or lost based on one’s shrewd decisions!
41. Lancelot piece peace: Going out of your way to promote goodwill and unity amongst rival groups.
42. Medieval progress trapdoor: An old problem that still persists despite advances in technology or society.
43. “A brave knight went on an archery quest – he was bowled over by the outcome!”
Best Medieval Jokes
44. “What did one medieval historian say to another?
Let me tell you a story!”
45. What did my friend and I decide to call a medieval soldier after a long argument?
We agreed to call him a knight!
46. What would Hamlet wear if he were alive now?
Probably t-shirts saying “2B or not 2B”!
47. Why wasn’t my sister happy with the build-it-yourself medieval fort I got her for Christmas?
My mother reminded her that it’s not the
48. What do you call a tipsy bard from the Middle Ages?
Ale-speare.
49. Why were ancient Mexican engineers known for their exceptional skills?
Because they received training in Aztech.
50. Why was the knight shining his armor before the queen’s dinner party?
He wanted to make a grand entrance and be the knight in shining armor.
51. Why was Vivaldi unable to perform medieval music?
Because his violin was of the Baroque era.
52. What is the name of the knight responsible for spreading gossip and news throughout the court and kingdom?
Sir Culate.
53. How did adventurers protect their riches during medieval times?
They transported them to secure locations, often hidden away.
54. What caused the monarch to be just twelve inches tall?
Being a ruler, of course.
55. What type of cheese envelops a castle from the Middle Ages?
Castle curds, or Castarella.
56. Can you guess the identity of the warrior who appeared unexpectedly during a battle?
His name is Sir Prize.
57. How did knights navigate across a moat in medieval times?
By using a specialized vessel called a moat boat.
58. Why did the medieval architect visit the coast so often?
To create the perfect sand fortress!
59. What is the name of a knight who is constantly jousting?
Sir Lance-a-lot.
60. When does a medieval soldier sleep?
During knight time.
61. What did Richard III say when asked to build a car park in Leicester?
“Not over my dead body!”
62. What punishment did legs receive in medieval times?
They were decapita-shin-ed.
63. What do you call a gathering of King Arthur’s knights?
A Sir conference.
64. How can you tell that a knight’s favorite weapon is a sword?
He doesn’t use a lance frequently.
65. What is the name of a medieval knight who is always confident?
Sir Tainly.
66. “Why do dragons hoard gold?
Because it’s their own special precious metal!”
67. Why don’t medieval knights wear regular socks?
They prefer argyle dragons.
68. What did the wealthy castle owner keep family and friends away with?
A moat around his heart.
69. How often do brave knights say a prayer before battle?
Once upon a time!
Clever Medieval Jokes
In the medieval times, humour was almost always centred around puns, wordplay and plays on words. This led to a plethora of dad jokes that were passed down from generation to generation.
These dad jokes were witty, clever, and often completely nonsensical, but they never failed to entertain. Whether you’re a history buff or a lover of all things punny, you’ll enjoy these medieval dad jokes that are sure to make you chuckle.
70. What do you call a knight who always arrives late?
A postpone-it!
71. Did you hear about the medieval cooking competition?
It was full of fierce enchiladas!
72. How did the sheriff stop the robber in ye olde castle walls?
He got castles to hand him over!
73. Why didn’t anyone attend King George’s party?
They heard it would be a feudal occasion…
74. A knight who works in a forge?
He’s the blacksmith’s chap.
75. Why did no one come to the court jester’s show?
It wasn’t worth lance-ing.
76. Who was always having fun at medieval festivals?
The juggler of joy!
77. What did people wear in the middle ages that kept them warm and dry?
Cloaks & daggers, of course.
78. What did you call an elven knight?
Sir Loin.
79. Where do trolls like to go for a night out?
Knights Out.
80. Why did the wizard have trouble sleeping?
Because his mind was cast by too many spells.
81. What kind of vegetables fit knights best?
Squashions
82. What did William the Conqueror say when he saw a castle?
“My kingdom for a fort!”
83. What did the Viking say when he saw three boats docked at the harbor?
“Longshoremen!”
84. Why is it hard to stay mad at medieval peasants?
They knights apologize for their wrongdoings!
85. What did a knight say when he invented the wheel?
“I’m sure I’ve spun a yarn!”
86. What did the medieval knight say when he had too much to drink?
“I’m on a joust! Cheers!”
87. Why did the medieval scribe get so mad when his pen ran out of ink?
He had a quill temper!
88. “Why did the knight cross the road?
To joust his foe!”
89. Why did the knight always struggle with fighting his enemies?
Because he lacked proper templar control!
90. What did the monk say when he needed a new robe?
“I need to go vest shopping!”
91. What do you call a knight in shining armor who likes frogs?
“Prince Ribbit”!
92. Did you hear about the medieval scribe that loved puns?
He was quite incredible!
Medieval Dad Jokes With Puns for Adults
93.”Why did the medieval knight bring a ladder to the dragon’s lair? Because he wanted to go ‘up’ in flames!”
94.”Why was the medieval jester always calm under pressure? Because he had a ‘knack’ for staying ‘jest’ified!”
95.”How did the medieval blacksmith greet his friends? With a ‘weld’come embrace!”
96.”What did the medieval king say when he wanted to go fishing? ‘I’m ‘reel’ly in the mood for a castle-cation!'”
97.”Why did the medieval baker make round loaves of bread? Because he wanted his bread to be ‘knightly’!”
98.”What do you call a medieval physician who specializes in horse health? A ‘stall’-ionaire doctor!”
99.”Why did the medieval alchemist never play hide and seek? Because he was always ‘transmuting’ his hiding spots!”
Clean Medieval Jokes
100.”Why did the knight bring a ladder to the castle? Because he wanted to go up in the world!”
101.”What do you call a knight who loves to cook? Sir Loin of Beef!”
102.”Why was the medieval archer so good at making decisions? Because he always had an arrow in his quiver!”
103.”How did the medieval barber stay calm during battles? He knew how to keep a ‘cool’ head!”
104.”Why did the minstrel always carry a pencil and paper? In case he had to ‘note’worthy adventures!”
105.”What do you call a wizard who’s good at math? An ‘alge-bra-gician’!”
106.”Why did the princess bring a ladder to the tower? Because she wanted to climb up to her dreams!”
Short Medieval Dad Jokes With Puns
107.”Why did the knight bring a blanket to the joust? Because he wanted to have a ‘knight’ cap!”
108.”What do you call a medieval party with no music? A ‘knight’ without a beat!”
109.”Why was the dragon at the medieval barbecue so well-behaved? Because it didn’t want to get ‘roasted’!”
110.”Why did the minstrel always carry a spare pair of pants? In case he hit a ‘low note’!”
111.”What’s a knight’s favorite fruit? A ‘sword’ berry!”
112.”Why did the blacksmith start a band? Because he wanted to forge some ‘iron’-ic melodies!”
113.”Why did the medieval farmer become a king? Because he had the ‘reign’ of the land!”
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Some final Talk
We hope these medieval dad jokes have brought a smile to your face and brightened your day. While they may not be the most sophisticated humor, they’re sure to tickle your funny bone and make you feel like you’re living in a different time and place.
So go ahead, tell your friends and family these jokes, and see if they can resist a smile or a groan. And who knows, maybe they’ll come up with their own modern-day version of a medieval dad joke.
