Welcome to Vampire Dad Jokes, the ultimate source of vampire-themed puns and one-liners! We know that vampires have been around for centuries, and so have dad jokes – so why not put them together and create something truly special?
These jokes are perfect for Halloween parties, family gatherings, and even just a laugh to lighten up your day! Whether you are a fan of vampires, a fan of dad jokes, or just a fan of fun, these jokes will be sure to leave you with a smile on your face. So, without further ado, let’s get started with some of our favorites:
Dad Vampire Jokes Funny
1. What did the vampire father say when his son asked him to go out and get some garlic?
Dad, why do you want me to go fresh stake shopping?
2. What did the vampire dad say to his daughter when he dropped her off at school?
Don’t suck any necks!
3. What did the vampire dad say to his daughter when she asked him why he had no reflection?
I don’t know, I’m too scared to look!
4. What do you call a dad vampire who doesn’t want his kids to go out?
A blood-thirsty parent!
5. Why don’t vampires go to the dentist?
Because they have no blood to spare.
6. What do you call a vampire dad?
A fang-rather!
7. Why didn’t the vampire father take his kids out for pizza?
Because he already had too much on his plate!
8. What did the dad vampire say when he wanted his son to go to sleep?
“Time to fang out!”
9. What did the vampire bring to his dad’s birthday party?
A coffin cake!
10. What do you call a vampire dad on Halloween?
“Deadbeat Dad”!
11. What did the vampire dad say to his son when he wouldn’t brush his teeth before school?
Don’t be a fang of procrastination!
12. What did the vampire dad say to his daughter when they were out at night?
I’m here for a halftime snack!
13. What did the vampire father say to his daughter when he dropped her off at school?
“Don’t let the bloodsuckers get you down!”
14. Why did Dracula take cold medicine?
Because he had a coffin!
15. How does a vampire start a letter?
“Tomb it may concern…”
16. Why don’t vampires have more friends?
Because they’re a pain in the neck!
18. How do vampires get around on Halloween?
By blood vessels!
19. What’s a vampire’s favorite fruit?
neck-marines!
20. What do you call a vampire who’s always on the phone?
A neck-talker!
21. What do you call a vampire who works in a blood bank?
Account clerk!
22. What’s a vampire’s favorite food?
Steak and chips!
23. What do you call a vampire who’s a handyman?
A blood-sucker!
24. Why did the vampire go to the doctor?
He was in a coffin’ a lot!
Dad Jokes About Vampires
25. What do you call a vampire that skips meals?
A hoarder.
26. Why don’t vampires go to the beach?
Because they would burn like a stake in the sand!
27. Why don’t vampires go to the beach?
They can’t stand the stake!
28. What do vampires order at a restaurant?
Steak and eggs!
29. Why don’t vampires go to barbecues?
Because they don’t like steak that’s well done.
30. Why did the vampire go to art school?
Because he wanted to learn how to draw blood.
31. How does a vampire get around on Halloween night?
By bloodhound.
33. What do you call a vampire who’s always on the go?
A bat-tery.
34. What do you call a vampire that can lift heavy objects?
Count Squat-ula.
35. Why did the vampire go to the bank?
To make a blood deposit.
36. What’s a vampire’s favorite holiday?
Fangsgiving.
37. Why did the vampire go to school?
To learn how to spell.
38. What do you call a vampire who loves hot sauce?
Count Tabasco-ula.
40. What’s a vampire’s favorite dance move?
The Fang-dango.
41. What do you call a vampire who is always on the phone?
Count Mobile-ula.
42. Why do vampires never get sick?
Because they have a bad immune system.
43. What do vampires serve at their dinner parties?
Blood-red punch!
44. Why don’t vampires visit more sports bars?
Because they cannot stand garlic fries!
45. What do you call a vampire that skips school?
A tru-bloody.
Vampire Jokes for Adults
46. What did the vampire say when he couldn’t find his keys?
“I guess I must have been sucked out of them!”
47. What do vampires eat for breakfast?
Scrambled hemoglobin.
48. Why don’t vampires like revision?
Because it’s too much of a hassle to rewrite their history!
49. What did the vampire say when he saw a garlic clove?
“It’s not my type!”
50. What do you call an old vampire?
You can call him a fantacular grandfather!
51. Why don’t vampires have any friends?
Because they’re always a bloodsucker!
52. Why did the vampire go to art school?
To learn how to draw blood.
53. How does a vampire start a letter?
Tomb it may concern.
54. What do you call a vampire who owns a bar?
A Countertop.
55. Why don’t vampires like garlic bread?
They don’t want to be Italian.
56. What did the vampire say when he met the beautiful woman at the bar?
“I want to suck your… drink.”
57. Why did the vampire need mouthwash?
Because he had bad breath.
58. Why don’t vampires ever get sick?
They have a great bat-titude.
60. Why do vampires avoid drinking beer?
It gives them a bat belly.
61. Why did the vampire go to the doctor?
He was in a coffin a lot.
62. What do you call a group of vampires playing poker?
A bat-tle royale.
63. Why do vampires make good artists?
They have a lot of bat-talent.
64. What’s a vampire’s favorite song?
Fangs for the Memories.
65. How do you get a vampire out of your house?
Pay him the bill for the last time he sucked your blood.
66. What’s a vampire’s favorite type of transportation?
A blood vessel.
Dirty Vampire Jokes
67. What do vampires say when they meet?
“Greetings, fellow undead!”
68. What do you call a vampire who needs a new wardrobe?
An infangthief!
69.What did the vampire say to the other vampire?
“I want to suck your blood!”
70 . What do you call a vampire who’s allergic to garlic?
A scaredy bat!
71. What did one vampire say to the other?
“Suck it up!”
72. Why don’t vampires like to go to the beach?
ABecause the sand might get in their coffin.
73. Why did the vampire go to the dentist?
Because his teeth were too sharp.
74. What did the vampire say when he saw a crucifix?
“Whoa, I’m not crossing that!”
75. Why did the vampire go to the psychiatrist?
He was having trouble sleeping at night.
76. Why did the vampire go to the optometrist?
Because he needed new shades.
77. What did the vampire say when he saw a funeral procession?
“It’s a party!”
78. Why don’t vampires eat popcorn?
Because they don’t like to get kernels stuck in their fangs.
79. Why don’t vampires play Bingo?
Because they don’t like to shout out “B-4!”
80. Why did the vampire go to the zoo?
Because he wanted to see the blood monkeys.
Vampire Puns One Liners
It’s Halloween season, and that means it’s time to break out the dad jokes. But instead of the classic dad jokes, why not have a little fun and switch it up with some vampire dad jokes?
Vampire dad jokes are a unique blend of classic dad jokes and vampire puns, making for a fun and spooky way to celebrate the holiday. From jokes about vampire dentists to vampire family reunions, these vampire dad jokes are sure to bring a chuckle to everyone in the room.
80. “Why did the vampire go to the dentist?
To get his fangs sharpened!”
81. “Why did the vampire order takeout?
He wanted to be sure he got his blood delivered fresh!”
82. “Why did the vampire go to the bar?
To get blood and tonic.”
83. “Why did the vampire need mouthwash?
Because he had bad breath!
84. Why do vampires like baseball?
Because they’re always looking for a bat to suck on.
85. How do vampires start their letters?
Tomb it may concern…
86. Why did the vampire take up painting?
He heard it was a great way to get some blood flowing.
87. Why do vampires hate rain?
It always puts a damper on their plans.
88. How do you make a vampire laugh?
Stake it easy!
89. Why don’t vampires go to barbecues?
They don’t like steak.
90. Why don’t vampires like playing poker in the jungle?
Too many cheetahs.
91. Why don’t vampires have more friends?
They’re a bit vain.
92. Why don’t vampires have more money?
They can’t afford to go out in daylight.
93. Why do vampires hate mirrors?
They don’t reflect very well on them.
94. Why did the vampire refuse to eat fruit?
Because it was a bloody shame.
95. Why did the vampire become a chef?
He wanted to learn how to cook rare steaks.
96. Why did the vampire quit his job at the blood bank?
It was draining him.
97. Why did the vampire go to the art museum?
He wanted to see the blood splatters
98. “Why did the vampire go to the dentist?
Because he wanted to get his fangs filed.”
99. “Why did the vampire cross the road?
To get to the blood bank.”
100. “Why did the vampire become a vegetarian?
He was afraid of being turned into a steak.”
101. “Why did the vampire go to the store?
He wanted to get some garlic bread.”
102. “Why did the vampire buy a coffin?
So he could have a place to sleep during the day.”
103. “Why did the vampire go to the party?
To get a bite.”
104. “Why did the vampire call the doctor?
He had a toothache.”
105. “Why did the vampire go to the movies?
To watch himself in the mirror.”
Short Vampire Puns
106. What kind of coffee do vampires drink?
Decaffeinated.
107. Why do vampires need mouthwash?
Because they have bad breath.
108. Why didn’t the vampire go to the beach?
He was afraid of getting a tan.
110. What did the vampire say to the waiter after closing time?
“You can’t suck me out of here!”
111. What did the vampire say when his date asked him to dance?
“I’d rather bite.”
112. Why did the vampire go to the store?
To get his necklace.
113. Why did the vampire go to the dentist?
To get his fangs whitened.
114. What did the vampire say when he went to the bank?
“I’d like to make a withdrawal.”
115. “Why did the vampire go to the library?
He wanted to check out a few good types of blood!”
116. “Why did the vampire go to the dentist?
He wanted to get his fangs fixed!”
117. “Why did the vampire go to the movies?
He wanted to see a horror flick with some bite!”
118. What did one vampire say when he wanted to buy a new coffin?
I need a coffin loan.”
119. “Why do vampires stay up all night?
Because they can’t bear to miss a single episode of their favorite show!”
120. “Why don’t vampires like garlic?
Because it makes them run for the hills!”
Vampire Dad Jokes Hilarious
Vampires and dads are two unlikely bedfellows, right? Wrong! Vampires may be known for their spooky, mysterious aura, but they can also be a source of comedy.
In fact, vampires have been the source of some of the funniest dad jokes around. Here’s a collection of vampire dad jokes that will have your entire family in stitches.
121. Why did the vampire dad refuse to buy his son garlic bread?
Because it would give him a bad case of heartburn.
122. What did the vampire dad say to his son when he complained about being bored?
“Fangs for nothing!”
123. Why did the vampire dad take his son to the cemetery?
He wanted to teach him how to raise the dead.
124. How does a vampire dad discipline his children?
He puts them in time-out in their coffin.
125. Why did the vampire dad wear a scarf to his son’s baseball game?
Because he didn’t want to get a bat caught in his cape.
126. Why did the vampire dad tell his son to go to bed?
He wanted him to get some rest before the night shift.
127. Why did the vampire dad cancel his family vacation to Transylvania?
He heard the nightlife was too dangerous.
128. Why did the vampire dad buy his son a new coffin?
Because the old one was too full of holes.
129. What did the vampire dad say to his son when he got a bad report card?
“Don’t worry, son. We’ll just have to stake out a better plan for next time.”
130. Why did the vampire dad refuse to let his son play with the werewolf kid?
He didn’t want him to get fleas.
131. Why did the vampire dad go to the doctor?
He had a bad cold.
132. What do you call a group of vampire dads hanging out together?
A blood bank.
133. Why did the vampire dad buy his son a pet bat?
He wanted him to have a flying start in life.
134. What did the vampire dad say to his son when he asked him where babies come from?
“I’ll tell you when you’re older. It’s a necks-t question.”
135. Why did the vampire dad refuse to let his son watch Twilight?
He said it was too much of a vein topic.
136. Why did the vampire dad bring his son to the library?
He wanted him to learn about Count Dracula’s history.
138. Why did the vampire dad have a tough time finding a job?
He didn’t have any references that weren’t over 300 years old.
139. Why did the vampire dad always win at poker?
He had a great poker face, with no reflection to give away his hand.
140. What do you call a vampire dad who is always on time?
Count Clockula
141. Why did the vampire order take out?
He wanted some dinner for his coffin!
142. Why don’t vampires go to Medieval Times?
Because they’d rather be at stakes!
143. What do you call a vampire in the desert?
A sand-wise blood sucker.
144. What did the vampire mom say to her son when he brought home a bad grade on his report card?
“You didn’t suck this time!”
145. What did Count Dracula eat for Launch
A steak sandwich!
146. What did the vampire dad say to his daughter when she said she was going out for dinner?
Have a bite!
147. What did the vampire mom say to the vampire dad when he forgot their anniversary?
“Fangs for nothing!”
148. What did the vampire say when he was out of blood?
“This is just draining.”
149. Why was the vampire not allowed to play baseball?
Because he kept sucking at the bat!
Vampire Dad Jokes That Will Leave You Howling One
150.Why did the vampire always carry a umbrella? Because he heard it was a good way to stay out of the light, and it’s a “bat-ter” shield against the sun!
151.How do you stop a vampire’s music? You “stake” out his concert!
152.Did you hear about the vampire who opened a blood bank? He wanted to make a “withdrawal” from his “liquid assets”!
153.Why did the vampire get a job at the blood drive? He wanted to “count” on a steady supply of O-positive reviews!
154.What do you call a vampire that’s always in a hurry? A “bat-tle”!
155.Why was the vampire always calm and collected? Because he had “bat-itude”!
156.How does a vampire say goodbye? “I vant to suck-cessfully bid you good night!”
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Final Thoughts
Vampire Dad Jokes may not always be the funniest jokes, but they certainly bring a unique twist to the classic dad joke. Whether you’re looking for a vampire-related pun or just a creepy chuckle, these jokes are sure to bring a smile to your face and a laugh to your heart.
So, if you’re looking for a way to add a bit of spooky humor to your next gathering, these Vampire Dad Jokes are sure to be a hit.
